I could sit still for a poke in the eye 🤪

Southernism of the Week: “I could sit still for that” meaning something is acceptable. Also: “It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.” Hm. Most things are.Visit the Amazon series page for Felony Melanie: Sweet Home Alabama romantic com...

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Aug 25, 2023
We can pull some geez ... or something!

Voice recognition mistake of the day: “We can pull some geez ...”  In airplane pilot terms, pulling Gs means doing a maneuver that uses acceleration to increase gravity ... Okay, it's complicated. Look it up if you’re interested. Anyway, this ca...

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Aug 18, 2023
Finer than frog hair split eight ways!

Southernism of the Week: “She’s finer than frog hair split eight ways!” Frogs don't have hair, so split it eight ways and it becomes extremely fine indeed. (She’s so fine she’s nonexistent? 🤔) Tell your friends: Felony Melanie and the Prank War:...

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Aug 11, 2023
See Melanie from Sweet Home Alabama in high school

Voice recognition mistake of the day: My mom asked by e-mail if I wanted an apple crumb or a fresh peach pie for my birthday.I intended to respond "peach," but voice recognition came up with "each" – which I must admit is a better response. 🥧It's be...

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Aug 05, 2023
It's as hot as a two-dollar pistol! 🥵

Southernism of the Week: “She’s hot as a two-dollar pistol.” A cheap pistol gets hot quickly when firing due to thinner steel in the barrel. Apparently, the idiom can refer to how angry someone is or how attractive they are, or it can even refer to t...

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Jul 28, 2023
You put your right paw out 🐾

Voice recognition mistake of the day: “It’s not real money out right now, but rubber boots will keep off the dirt and all.” Er, muddy, not money!I wish there was real money out! It would make it worthwhile to brave the intense heat—100 degrees and up...

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Jul 21, 2023
Pretty as a spotted horse in a daisy pasture 🐎🌼

Southernism of the Week: “Pretty as a spotted horse in a daisy pasture.” Also, “She had a butt like a forty-­dollar mule.” Before the tractor, farmers used mules to plow, and they wanted mules with muscular hinds. But is a $40 mule good or bad? Nowad...

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Jul 14, 2023
New online writing workshop on plotting ✍

Howdy from New Mexico where it's too darn hot! I hope your summer is going well and you're finding time to write, revise, query, or whatever your goals are  – as well as time to relax and read. I got another online writing workshop recorded and...

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Jul 12, 2023
Making a stand against Santa 🎅

Voice recognition mistake of the day: “The building wasn't as old as the saloon where the founding fathers had made their last stand against Santa and his troops...” 🎅 Santa Anna, 'Santa and his'—whatever! That's from one of the billionaire cowb...

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Jul 08, 2023
Pretty as a mess of fried catfish 🎣

Southernism of the Week: “Pretty as a mess of fried catfish.” How would you feel about that compliment? Did you know Felony Melanie and the Prank War is now available as an audiobook? Head back in time to the early 1990s for this laugh out loud...

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Jun 30, 2023