Instagram LogoMy last selfie in 2020. Wanted it plain because of the kind of caption that would follow. 2020 was meant to be my best year. I started the year with no goals (for one who teaches goal setting). Majorly because I knew I didn’t want anything new. I just needed consistency at that time. I needed to continue engaging the systems I had put in place, that were working already. So that made me thrive so well this year. I was in law school for only 7 weeks. It felt so different as it had been a while I was in such organized setting. As soon as covid struck and we closed down, I was super excited. I got to live life once again on my own terms. It was the chance I got to live to my fullest potentials, without reservations. I had such internal peace, that nothing external could shake me. Until November 27th happened. In all my life, I have never felt so much pain as that before. It felt like my heart had been forcefully ripped off my chest. I couldn’t breathe. They said time will heal. I doubt this because I’m still waiting. I got more involved with people. Tried to busy myself out of pain. I tried to stay angry. Tried to label the source of the pain. I asked questions. I didn’t get answers. Some people even tried telling me how to grieve rightly. Oh! I heard all manner of things. Thank God for automation. I tried to keep showing up. But I knew to a large extent, my content didn’t have soul. Many times, I wanted to share with you all how I felt, but it was largely of no use. I want my words to always minister grace. It wasn’t even ministering to me at that time. My smile couldn’t bright up my eyes anymore. I know only God’s love can heal me. I’ve preached it many times. But right now, it’s taking longer than I thought. This is scheduled to go up tonight because based on my calculation, a month was enough to heal. But here we still are. I don’t know if I’d ever be the same, I can’t say same about my content either...because he is the reason I began writing. But I’m still hopeful. It has nothing to do with the new year. (More in the comments section?)