🟩 When They Don’t Trust You

Nov 15, 2025 4:31 pm

Hi ,

From my last emails, you might think that someone not trusting me would feel like a relief.

After all, if being trusted comes with pressure, wouldn’t it be nice to have a break?

Not really.

When someone doesn’t trust me, it doesn’t feel neutral.

It feels like an insult.

And I don’t mean that in a dramatic way.

I mean it hits something very deep in me, every single time.

Once the initial sting passes, I usually get curious.

I start wondering what is really going on.

And over the years, I’ve noticed that the reasons usually fall into two groups.

Group one: they’ve been hurt before.

Their trust has been broken, sometimes many times.

And they’re not trying to test or trick me, they’re just trying not to get hurt again.

That I can understand.

And I do my best to practice compassion.

Group two: they do have an agenda.

They want to manipulate or use the situation to their advantage.

And they project that onto me, expecting me to do the same.

This always feels like abuse.

It’s sad, because I think that kind of behavior is beneath us as human beings.

Or at least it should be.

With this second group, I still aim for compassion, but I also quietly remove myself from the situation.

Unfortunately, some people see that as weakness.

And when they push harder, what they get from me is something very different.

I become direct. I speak clearly. I don’t dance around the truth.

And yes, my words come out as warnings, because that’s exactly what they are.

But let’s go back to the first group.

Because I feel those are the people who most need support.

Not on my terms, but on theirs.

So I ask myself:

What is missing here?

What could I have done differently?

What are they afraid of?

What do they need?

And almost every time, I learn something new.

About trust.

About communication.

And about myself.