The Note is an email to share MY reflective practice with YOU... Please do share your reflections with me!

Y.4 N.5 “If they keep score, I will win.”

This is "The Note" … random reflections that start in my Moleskine, find clarity in Microsoft Word, and get a clean-up with Grammarly. Click reply, let me know what you think about when you read what I think about. Oh, and your friends can read "The Note" here: https://sendfox.com/jw

Hiya !

Last week I wrote about meaningful conversations. (To read "The Note," click: https://sendfox.com/jw.)

One of the myths I wanna debunk is that it takes “time” to connect meaningfully. It takes MORE than just time. You need all three: time, times, and timing.

I’m interested in the lasting impact… of hearing – and listening to – one another as we move from where we are to where we can be.

This week, "The Note" is about numbers and metrics.

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Sometime in the late 1800’s, Williams James wrote,

“I have often thought that the best way to define a man’s character would be to seek out the particular mental or moral attitude in which, when it came upon him, he felt himself most deeply and intensively active and alive.”

I’ve been a fan of James’ thinking ever since I held “Principles of Psychology” in my hands about a hundred years after he wrote it. I believe that now his philosophies need to resurface. If you have time, go do a few searches on the ‘net. My fav chapter in that book was all about habits and the psychology of change. If you want things to be different than they are, you’re going to need to look in the mirror.

That’s the person who’s more/most responsible for that change.

Over the past month of self-reflection, I re-realized that I get triggered by numbers.

Nothing new there; in MY mind, math hurts.

Jodi found out the hard way how I feel about math when we met back in 1993. By that time, I was a college junior and had “sworn off” ever taking a math class again. (That positionality lasted all the way until 2021 when I had to take a statistics course during my doctoral program.) You see, when I was young, probably 8 or 9 years old, my step-dad “helped” me learn my multiplication tables. We’d sit across from each other, my hands palms-down on the table. He’d ask me a question – something like, “What’s 2 times 2, or what is 7 multiplied by 9?”

As he asked, I held my breath tight. If I got the answer right, I breathed out. When I got one wrong, he’d slap the top of my hand with a metal spatula.

No doubt, that experience had a lasting impact on me. From a very early age, math literally hurt.

I knew I needed to explain that experience to Jodi when we started dating so that she had a clearer sense of some baggage I brought to our relationship. To this day, I still don’t LOVE doing math (and I reach for my phone calculator pretty much any time numbers get involved).

Now, I know that numbers don’t always mean “doing math,” and that they can represent different things than physical and emotional pain.

Let’s talk about numbers.

1. What do you measure?
2. And, if you talk numbers with your team (or family), what do people around you assume is important; what do THEY think YOUR priorities are?
3. If you publish those numbers, what do you hope happens when people see them?

Over the past year, I’ve seen my organization promote numbers in the form of scores to show “how well we are doing.” Every time I see a number come out, I feel conflicted. That conflict comes because of competition that numbers cause. Simultaneously, my mind is triggered by “the facts” AND I’m sent into competition, wondering how to get the advantage for the next time we compete.

I’m interested in the lasting impact of the push that numbers give.

I used to say “I’m not a competitive person, I just want better.” Heck, I even wrote a book about it! It isn’t that I think good enough isn’t good enough, it’s that a year from now I want to be subjectively AND objectively better than I am today. Now, if you were to ask Jodi – and probably my parents and anyone I’ve known for a while – you’ll probably get a clearer, more story-filled response.

I think they think I like to compete.

Here’s how it sounds in my brain: “If there are rules, boundaries, and a scoring mechanism in place, I will win.”

But, as I said, I’m not competitive. (Yeah, figure out how THAT works!)

BL: If they are keeping score, I will win. Or, I’ll exhaust myself trying.

I didn’t understand the depth of this philosophy until I raced triathlon, wrote my dissertation, or worked in a “metrics-bound” organization. (For the record, I earned the right to race at the USA Triathlon - Olympic distance - National Championships in 2016 and 2017; I earned a 4.0 through my studies at USC; the teaching teams I teach with consistently earn the highest ratings from our students.)

I realize that I am driven by the subjective, qualitative, and anecdotal feedback on my work. Furthermore, I understand that scores “in the moment” are less telling than the lasting impact of my effort(s).

• For almost a decade, I finished in the top 5 (in my age group) in triathlon.
• For three years of my doctoral program, I earned an A in every course.
• A course I co-taught last week earned a 4.94/5.00.

What, what is more important to me is: my Garmin says that my “Fitness Age” is 46, my research and writing skills are light years better than before I graduated, and I am in almost-daily contact with at least one of the leaders who attended a program I facilitated.

How do I keep score on THOSE results?

...

This week, I’ll be TDY in Orlando as a student in a leader development program.

I know me, and I know that while it’s not a competition, I’ll be the one that: Takes the most notes, asks the most questions, and offers the most feedback.

Of course, that’s all “in-the-moment” measurement; ask me in 6 or 12 months how I’m using what I learned. It’s the lasting impact that I’m after, not the right-now information.

V/r,

Dr. JW

How did The Note* begin?

Jodi and I moved to Alabama in 2019. After being here for just less than a week, I sent an email to my family and friends. On Tuesday, 22JAN2019, I sent an email at 9:38 pm (or, as I was learning to say: 2138):

“Today was my first day as an employee of the United States Air Force. And, I am bold enough to say I've never more proud or more excited to serve a community. Though I "moved" to Alabama last Wednesday [Jodi plans to be here Monday], I attended the New Employee Orientation today. The 90-minute briefing culminated in me taking the Oath:

I, Jason Womack, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well; and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.

All at the same time, I felt pride, Honor, and a hefty dose of responsibility. I'm helping leaders on a grand scale.”

That was it… “The Note.” Then, the next Sunday, and more than 100 weeks in all!, I sent “The Note” to my family and friends. Thanks for reading, and gratitude (more!) for clicking reply and letting me know what YOU'RE reflecting on!