July 4th 22 sent from MGM, AL

The Note: My thoughts sent to your inbox. Your friends can read here: https://sendfox.com/jw 

Y(ear).4 N(ote).7: "Be...Do...Have... where it starts"

Hiya ,

Today's the 4th of July. In 1776, the US declared independence and in 1999, Jodi and I got married!

Sooooo many reasons to celebrate. Wherever you are, here in the states or somewhere else in the world, I send you my best wishes for a great week ahead. 

We're halfway through the year, and I'm feeling many feelings.

Studying the market and investment strategy has been a side interest for a long, long time. I started reading a "coffee-table" sized book recently, all about Charles Munger. I've dabbled in his and Warren Buffet's stuff over the years, along with Ray Dalio and some Benjamin Graham.

I'll always look back on a buddy introducing me to both Michael Lewis' book "Liar's Poker" and Wall Street during the same weekend I visited New York City for the first time in 1997. (From 2000-2018, I stayed in NYC between 70-100 nights per year, and the feelings I felt on each visit were all over the place.)

The thing about the market, however, is that it uses the past to explain the present AND then to provide a (best) guess about the future. There is even a saying, "Past Performance Predicts Future Behavior." But, does the market behave? And, what's the underlying cause of exhibiting - or withholding - a behavior if it did? 

I was thinking about what makes me act the way I do. Why I be-have the way I do. 

be...have...do...

Why would I get up in the morning and ride a bike? Decide to stop during the day and send a text message to #BuddyCheck someone? Why would I THINK of something to say to someone, but for SOME reason, withhold my voice? 

What is the arbiter between what I've done in my past and what I do in the future?

My hypothesis: How I feel.

Think about it for a moment. Bring someone in your world to mind. Tomorrow, this month, this year, or this lifetime, they will have the opportunity to step into a moment or make a decision.

They'll have a moment thrust upon them, or someone else's decision will impact them. How will they feel when that happens? What will they do? And, as a result, what will they get?

It's interesting to use the word "feel" in my work. 

Some other concepts seem to have been accepted, but "Feel" and "Feeling" continue to have negative juice in some circles. I can remind people they need to be humble. Vulnerable. Approachable. Strong. Credible. 

I can suggest they increase their situational awareness. I can ask them to incorporate #BuddyChecks into their day. I can show them ways to follow up that make people believe we care about them, their well-being, and their professional and personal development.

But, when I ask them THIS question, I'm getting some side-glances:

"How does it feel to be led by you?"

It seems that the concept of "feel" has some soft/squishy to it. People even say, "you mean you teach things like 'soft skills'?" I always reply, "The hardest skills to master..."

* Starting Points * 

Last Thursday, I was in Illinois and I shared three (3) things with three (3) audiences. (Yeah, you know me and triangles...just about everything I share comes in threes, so here you are again. You're welcome!)

(1) Insight, (2) Experience, (3) Framework

INSIGHT:

the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing

During the second session on Thursday, I stood in front of 135 people, and at 1015 I said, 

"Good morning, friends. Please do stand up. Thanks! Next, I'm going to say something, and if what I say makes me and you different, please sit down. Great, let's get started. 'I was born in the United States of America.' Okay, so I see three of you sat down. That means we're different. Depending on when you moved to America, you will have a few, some, or many differences about what it was like to grow up. And, I guess they'll be different than mine! Next, 'I am married.' Wow, looks like a few more of you sat down. Now, I don't know if you have been married and aren't anymore, or if you have never been married. Either way, if you're not married and I am, we will have some differences in how we look at what we look at and what we assume. We'll be different in our starting points. Okay, let's do this:' I do not have children.' Wow! Look at that. Just a few of you still standing. For those of you who DID sit down, can you imagine what you know that I have NO idea about? Think about all the experiences I've missed out on that you had. Phew, we ARE different. Okay, let's do two more. How about this, 'I speak two languages fluently.' Okay, so for those of you still standing, we ARE different, aren't we? Watch this: How many of you occasionally switch languages in your mind, thinking of a 'better' word to describe something? Yeah, me too. Okay, last one, you ready? 'I have never worn the uniform; I've only ever been a civilian Airman.' And, just like that, you're all sitting down."

Next, I challenged them to think about the people they work with daily.

What starting points do they have that are categorically different from one another? How do they see what they see? What insight do they have that their colleague has NOT experienced? And how do they understand that they could be more assertive, intelligent, innovative, and powerful by putting those two stories together?

The point of this insight exercise was to get them thinking about how their starting point is different from everyone else's. Now that people are returning to work - and, yes, I know, some of you never stopped going to work - this concept of seeing and being seen is more crucial to my work.

EXPERIENCE:

practical contact with and observation of facts or events

During the next half-hour of our time together, I walked them through what I'll challenge you to do today.

(And, if you can PLEASE do this with a family member, lover, friend, or colleague, even better. Ready? Let's go...)

"Next, halfway down your piece of paper, please draw a line across the page from the left to the right. Label the right side, 'Today.' Label the left, 'Back Then.' That is a timeline of your life. And, for the next 3 minutes, I challenge you to write as many 'Moments' and 'Decisions' that have happened to and for you that make you...you. Ask yourself, 'What has happened in my past that has gotten me to this point?' That question should keep you going for the next 180 seconds. My ask is that you hold the silence and write as many moments and decisions as you are willing to see in your own handwriting. I'll see you back in 3 minutes."

What I like about this activity is that it gives you a boundary and a goal, two things necessary to win a game if you're gonna play it. (Remember, in last week's "The Note?" I wrote about winning...)

What I love about this is that it puts you square in front of the mirror and forces you to ask, "What IS it like to be around me?" and "What do I start with that makes me different from others?" 

By the way, after they wrote for three minutes, I asked them to stand up (yes, again!) and form groups of 3. Then, they had just 10 minutes to share a discussion to achieve these two goals: "(1) Find what connects you and (2) what makes you different."

At the end of that connection exercise, I then led them through a silent reflection to practice journaling their "Because of..." feelings regarding that experience. To conclude that session, I challenged four participants to share what they felt "Because of..." sharing time with two other people. 

It was powerful.

FRAMEWORK:

an essential supporting structure of a building, vehicle, or object

You've heard a saying like this one before, right?

"All models are broken, but some are useful."

I embraced the HECK out of that one while working on my doctorate. Whether studying motivational theories, learning about diversity and connectedness, building the outline for my dissertation, or simply organizing myself for the weekly/monthly courses and papers I had to write, I was always looking for a framework.

On Thursday, I invited people into my world - to see things from my starting point for a few minutes - and said,

"There are three things you can do to change a life..."

Then, I spent the next 10 minutes offering a current version of my "go-to" TEDx-style talk shows how those moments and decisions have come together to give us the life we have. AND how they are "that close" to becoming a moment or helping someone make a decision that could change the trajectory of someone else's life. How they can change a life... theirs or someone else's.

Everything about those 600 seconds is designed to foot-stomp the significance of "feeling" when impacting and/or influencing behavior. If you want people to change, you must find THEIR starting point. My hypothesis is that if you can find THEIR starting point, they may be able to recognize yours. Trust me, it will be different - to one degree or another - than yours. THIS is what we need to do, if we are going to be-have any differently.

I'll leave you with this: 

Who will you see or talk with today, and how can you be part of a moment or help them with a decision?

Happy Independence/Connection and Freedom/Belonging Day to us all!

V/r,

Dr. JW

Call/Text/Marco Polo anytime: mobile# 805-798-1362

How did The Note* from MGM (Montgomery, AL) begin?

Jodi and I moved to Alabama in 2019. After being here for just less than a week, I opened up my email to send a note to my family in friends in California and beyond. Jodi was on her way to join me here, so I took some time to reflect on this significant life decision/change I had initiated. That Tuesday, January 22nd, 2019, I sent an email at 9:38 pm (or, as I was beginning to learn: 2138). Here's how it started:

Today was my first day as an employee of the United States Air Force. And, I am bold enough to say I've never been prouder or more excited to serve a community.

Though I "moved" to Alabama last Wednesday [Jodi plans to be here Monday], I went to my New Employee Orientation just today. The 90-minute briefing culminated in me taking the Oath:

"I, Jason Womack, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well; and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

All at the same time, I felt pride, Honor, and a hefty dose of responsibility. I'm helping leaders on a grand scale.

*The following Sunday, and many subsequent Sundays!, I've sent a note to my family and friends. Thanks for reading, and gratitude (more!) for clicking reply and letting me know what YOU'RE reflecting on!