2023.0611 sent from Montgomery, AL

"The Note"…sharin' what I'm thinkin' about with you

Y.5 N.9 - Connection>Connecting

If you wanna share "The Note" friends can read it here: https://sendfox.com/jw/campaigns

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*Warning* This episode of The Note goes wayyyy back; I write about trauma. 

As I journal in anticipation of a writing group I'm hosting, I identify more of the "because of" answers to the question, "Why?" As in "Why do I lead the way I do?" Starting on Juneteenth, I and a group of people will spend 15 minutes a day writing about what makes us... us. If you want to join in, self-register here.

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Ok, here goes. Some of you haven't ever heard or read all of this at one time...

Have you heard of the ACEs assessment? 

The original ACEs study was conducted at Kaiser Permanente from 1995 to 1997 with two waves of data collection. The ACEs assessment came from studying the data after collecting 17,000 surveys on childhood experiences and current health status and behaviors. Here’s the link to the ACEs site. 

Many years ago, my friend Joe and I went to New York City and interviewed one another in a StoryCorps program. I remember it vividly; it was the first time I'd told a friend:

By the time I was 13 years old, I’d experienced five of 10 ACEs. Yes, 50% of the “bad things” that can happen in a home where children grow up… happened to me.

Adverse Childhood Experiences are traumatic events involving abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction experienced during childhood.

If you have not taken the ACEs assessment, or the people you serve don’t know about it, go search a web search engine or a large language model… now. Next time you’re in line in front of or behind someone, or next time someone does something that is “stupid,” let yourself wonder: 

“How many did they experience?” 

To see what the research says about impacts of ACEs:

How is the ACEs assessment used? 

Counselors and other treatment providers use clients’ scores to connect them with the appropriate support and treatment.

Now that it's 2023 and the original ACEs assessment from 1995 has been overwhelmed by...

• wars overseas, 
• terrorist attacks on our nation, 
• economic recessions, 
• and political and social insecurity, 
• especially after a pandemic, 

...I wonder what the NEXT generation of the ACEs assessment will include. 

I imagine it will incorporate what the US Surgeon General is promoting (albeit in a limited and myopic way) regarding #connection, #belonging, and #community. But...

Yeah, you know me, you saw that coming a mile away...

Here's my "Big Ol' But:" 

I worry that if we don’t think DIFFERENTLY and wholistically, that if we don’t look back on the past five years and project into the next five years, the next iteration of this assessment will be incomplete.

Did you see the US Surgeon General Dr. Murthy’s report? On May 3, 2023, he published an 82-page document outlining the impact of social connection and community. Here’s the link.

Unfortunately – and I’m happy to meet with him if you introduce me; who knows, maybe he'd BNR hire me! – his “Six Pillars to Advance Social Connection” are “incomplete” and outdated. 

Every one of the “Pillars” he leans against (and if you only read seven pages of the document, go to pages 47-53) bypasses the first two connections that are weakening throughout our culture: 

Self* and Mission*

Not only that, he “shoulds” all over the readers of this document, writing on 11 different occasions

• what “should” happen, 
• what people “should” do, 
• and what “should” be supported.

I suggest someone remind the doctor, “Shoulding doesn’t work.” (Neither does “shouldn’ting”, by the way.)

Those of you who know me know that I see we are facing weakened connections – not just connection to one another, but five other connections as well.

Our connections are weak to:

1. Our Self
2. A Mission
3. One Another
4. Today’s Context
5. A Tradition
6. Complex Partnerships

At the beginning of this note, I wrote about ACEs. As I think about the groups of Guardians and Airmen that I serve (and Soldiers, Sailors, Marines… civilians and contractors), I have to wonder… to let my mind wander.

How did I make it to the age of 51 having experienced 50% of the Adverse Childhood Experiences not by age 18 – which the assessment tracks – but by age 13? 

It takes more than “just” connection to one another. (NOTE: I can remember in 4th grade, I was taken out of class weekly to a room where I talked with a counselor. Part of each session was me using a padded stick to attack a Bobo doll. Who ever thought THAT was a good idea?!) 

While appreciate that Dr. Murthy’s report uses research from 325 citations (the last few pages), a cursory scan through them left me wondering. Take this part of this thesis. On page 27, the study claims, 

“By contrast, social connection has been associated with better self-rated health and disease managementamong individuals with diabetes.” 

Just for the heck of it, I spent 10 minutes searching around the Internet for responses and research regarding this question: 

“Has better self-rated health and disease managementamong individuals with diabetes been associated with better social connection?” 

Do you see what I did there? 

Which comes first? 

And, if BOTH are true - as I can bend the research to prove - where's the complimentary document from the US Surgeon General's office? I used a few literature review “hacks” I picked up while writing my dissertation, and I very quickly can put together a list of resources that answered my question with a resounding yes.

Turns out that if I wanted to make the case and start “left-of-bang” in getting after this “connection and belonging” thing, I could find evidence that people need to connect with themselves first. In order to not just survive my childhood but ultimately THRIVE as an adult, I need(ed) to connect with myself…first.

Of the 31 references to the word “self” in Dr. Murthy’s report, self- was part of a hyphenated word 30 times. 97% of the uses of the word "self" were part of another word such as:

• Self-esteem. 
• Self-reported. 
• Self-care. 
• Self-harm*.
• Self-regulation. 

By the way, the term self-harm accounts for 7 of the 31 times. That’s 22% of the use of the word self- to describe self-harm. Scroll back up and look at the impact of ACEs; count how many could be connected to self-harm. I wonder: If someone is connected to themselves… do they harm themselves? Could be time for a new study.

As I wrote above, the word self - by itself - was used once…only once. 

And that was in the recommendations section of the report of “What Technology Companies Can Do.” 

Here it is used in the context of the study; you would have to hunt to find it so I'll bold it for you:

“Intentionally design technology that fosters healthy dialogue and relationships, including across diverse communities and perspectives. The designs should prioritize social health and safety as the first principle, from conception to launch to evaluation. This also means avoiding design features and algorithms that drive division, polarization, interpersonal conflict, and contribute to unhealthy perceptions of one’s self and one’s relationships.”

In Spanish, I just shake my cranium and think, “Aye de mi.”

This research is incomplete. Don't even get me STARTED on what happens when we (the adults) blame them (technology companies) for their disconnectedness (our youth).

Don’t people understand that if we put a device in the hands of a 13-year-old who is disconnected [go back to my call to action in the front of this note about the NEXT generation’s ACEs assessment], they will do what they do? 

And a technology company – especially one based on social features of sharing and comparing – has ONE goal that is driven by their board AND shareholders: To. Make. Money.

And money is made where comparison is most striking, where you are something I’m not. Where I have something, you don’t. Where we disagree… that’s going to get attention. Our jobs are simple…but not easy. We must go higher, raise our perspective, and find ways to support connection. All six.

Our Self

A Mission

One Another

Today’s Context

A Tradition

Complex Partnerships

We… need to connect with ourselves. 

First. 

No, I don’t mean “know ourselves.” (Thanks, Socrates, but we need to go bigger.) That’s easy. Go take another self-assessment (Myers-Briggs? Enneagram? DiSC profile? STRONG Interest Inventory? ASVAB? Johnson O’Connor? Winslow Assessment? Predictability Index?), and you’ll “know” yourself. 

That’s rookie. Pedestrian. Easy.

1. I mean, connect with yourself and what you’re all ABOUT.
2. Connect BECAUSE of who you are with yourself.
3. Connect with yourself SO THAT you can understand what is, change what you can, and accept what you can’t.

How did I make it through those first 13 years?

It’s all my opinion, but looking back, it’s based on my connection to who and what I was. 

Thirty-eight years ago, I turned 13. Next year, I will turn 52. I have a lot of work to do, and I believe in my heart and soul that the strength of all my connections made it possible for me to go from where I was to where I am. 

I’m on a mission, and I’m connected to it.

But that’s a story for another day.

Thanks for reading, and reach out if you need someone to listen to you. If you wanna talk with me, mobile# 805-798-1362. And, if you need to talk to someone 'cause you're hurting, call 988. 

V/r,

JW

* I'll be writing about all six connections... they're that important to me.

Why do I write? To think. Deeper. 

If you'd like to spend 15 minutes a day writing, join us starting Junteenth.