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Mark your calendar, do I get to see you?

6-9 Sep: San Antonio, TX

10-16 Sep: Novato, CA

18-23 Sep: Wash DC (National Harbor)

17-19 Oct: Colorado Springs, CO

20-22 Oct: San Antonio, TX

24-27 Oct: Orlando, FL

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2022 - Y.4 N.14 "Why meet?"

Hiya ,

In a Zoom meeting last Friday with five senior leaders in the organization I serve, I smiled as I acknowledged the level at which the six of us care deeply about what we do. We are committed to "having difficult conversations" regarding resilience, suicide, suicidal ideations, sexual harassment and assault, and other significant human-domain-centric issues. 

Those are the themes for the conference I will help facilitate from 7-9 Sep 2022. 

I didn't anticipate becoming the facilitator of this conference; it all started when I was invited to serve as a keynote speaker a couple of months ago. You see, before I say yes to going to events these days, I schedule a Zoom or in-person meeting; I want to see their beautiful faces as we discuss the big three:

• "about"
• "because of"
• "so that" 

More on those three shortly.

During the "intake call," I made sure to (1) ask questions, (2) shared my hypothesis of what we need more than ever now, and (3) offered to "help how I could." I had no idea that in making that offer, I'd be asked to be the facilitator of the three-day #gathering on integrated resilience.

As a result of moving to Alabama 43 months ago, I'm more confident than ever in my hypothesis:

"We crave connection. We fear connecting."

If you resonate with/relate to what I just wrote and want to make things better around you at work, with your family, or in your community, you realize the incredible opportunity when people come together.

And, when you and I see it done poorly, we have an opinion. At least I do. You see, here's what I've been experiencing as a participant in too many programs I've attended over the past few years:

1. I show up in a room with others...most are strangers.
2. Someone on stage - who purportedly both cares a lot AND has been trained in the topic that is challenging to converse about - stands in front of the group of us to tell us what's wrong, what should be done, and what we are responsible for doing.
3. We sit through the program till the end - ensuring we get credit for attending - and then return to work.

Back to that Zoom meeting the six of us shared last Friday. During the conversation, I sent a private text to my contact - the person I'd been talking with and emailing the most - and I asked:

"What's my role during this meeting?"

The response?

"Listen."

I consider THAT skill to be one of my strongest. I will listen to what is said. I will hear what is unsaid. And I will always check my perception (or is it intuition) in regards to what I feel is being said.

Now, I know that the people I work, live, and love with "get" the way I think about gatherings and what NEEDS to happen when we bring people together in large groups. During that Zoom session, listened for as long as I could, and then I re-shared my truth about how we "crave connection/fear connecting" ... it's my starting point when I walk into a room with humans being.

As a result of that meeting, we've relabeled some of the sessions I will facilitate. I reiterated that I'm not the expert on their topics and will not brief them; I'm not going to tell them what they already know, and I certainly will not "should" on them. (Nor will I "just" or "only" either!)

I aim to use this gathering to facilitate people talking together about essential things, make changes because of those critical things, and walk away with information they can use so that things are different...sooner than later. 

1. Talk About:

This is the easy one. Anyone can go through an experience, return to their work center or home, and tell someone about what happened. It usually sounds like, "and then... and then...and then." Rookie, I call it. When I return from some event and sit with someone to discuss it, I need to say just enough "about" it to (re)create the context of what happened, where I was, and who was there. But, I am careful about staying here too long. I've seen talking "about" as a way to avoid leaving the past and coming to the present. I've experienced people spending minutes, hours, or even months staying in the "about" stage of the problem.

This is why I journal as much as I do.

When I write things down about the day, I see the connections and move on from what was, bringing my focus and thinking to the present...to what is.

2. Talk Because Of:

This discussion brings us from the past into the present. I like it. It makes it essential. When people are talkin' "because of," I see a few cool things happening. In no particular order, I watch as:

1. We remove barriers.
2. People lean toward one another.
3. We widen orientations/perspectives.
4. We make connections between the past and the future.

Removing Barriers: This is one of the impacts I want to be known for as a leader. According to the dictionary, a barrier is "a circumstance or obstacle that keeps people or things apart or prevents communication or progress." Imagine if more of us leaders worked the antonyms of barrier... "Assistance" "Help" "Open"

Leaning In: Last week, our boss at LDC kicked off our 2-week course inviting (or was it challenging) us to practice our position of Front Foot Leadership. (Hmmm, there might be a book title in there!) I want to lean in because when I do, I get to be an example of taking the risk that I wish other people would take.

3. Talk So That:

The only reason I have for bringing people together... 

...so that when they leave, they keep going. "What happens here does NOT stay here" is my focus; I want them to get back to their office, their familty, and their community and continue the momentum we started when we were together. Back in 2008, Jodi and I sat down to coffee one morning and she said, "someone should..." 

When I hear someone say, "what if?" "someone should..." or "why doesn't (or don't)," I lean in with a smile and ask, "you ready to get started?" This was my focus when I was at USAFA last week; my intent was to get the cadets thinkin' deeply not just about where they are and what they are doing...but to cast out to the future...where they are going and what they could do!

I'll lay down the challenge to all y'all this week (and for the rest of your life): When you gather with other people who care, be sure to engage in all three conversations...

• "about"
• "because of"
• "so that" 

Much love from Alabama,

Dr. JW

Text/MarcoPolo/Call anytime... You know we'll go from "about" to "so that" real quick! Mobile# 805-798-1362