Why would anyone do that to themself?

Sep 22, 2023 1:36 pm

Good morning ,

Last week I mentioned I'm writing a book. Below is the inspiration story that got me off the fence, and into book-writing mode.

I don't know if it'll make the final edits, but I hope you enjoy!

*****

Although the rain hadn’t yet relented, it was beyond beautiful. Last summer I joined my friend Jeff, an Alaskan resident and outdoor author, on a trip to the top of a remote mountain on an Alaskan island. Because we did not see a single human soul during the four days we were there, I estimate fewer than 30 people summit the mountain each year. The reason why was becoming clear.

It was beyond miserable. Water was gushing out of my shoe laces as I made the bunny-ears. The necessary double-knots required to keep the wet boots secured over my wet socks worked as a press, wringing out even more water. And as uncomfortable as wet shoes over wet socks are, nothing prepares you for putting on damp, cold underwear at 4:30 am in a tent. But there I was, on top of a mountain in Alaska sporting dirty, wet ralph lauren boxer briefs. There were a few bright spots - at least they were black. And the new holes developed on the hike in made less material to accumulate sweat and rain during that days hiking.

As the rain continued its assault, fog decided to join the party. And becuase nothing draws a crowd like a crowd, cold air started creeping up the side of the mountain to see what all the fuss was about. I was balls deep in the most demanding experiences of my life, and I hated it. My mind was reeling.

This is stupid. I’m never doing this again.

That kind of self-talk is the fast lane to feeling sorry for yourself, which would make the experience even worse and possibly endanger myself and Jeff. I had to change my internal narrative.

I’m not afraid of a challenge - throughout my life I’ve made a hobby of biting off more than I can chew, and then just chewing it anyway. I love being outside in the wilderness. I love adventure, seeing and experiencing things that most people will never see or experience. And most of all, I have become much more than flippid acquantances with physcially demanding tasks.

As a 6 year old chubby blonde kid, my first backpacking trip was a 30 mile stretch of the John Murr Trail through Yosemite National Park with my father and older brother. I remember going up switch backs near 10,000 feet elevation and wanting to stop. But we couldn’t. We couldn’t just camp on the middle of the trail. The only way through was to take some breaks and push through until we were over the pass.

The first day of high school soccer conditioning I wanted to quit more than ever before. And that’s the first time I remember using my trick, which became a super power. I lied to myself.

If I just get through today, I can quit tomorrow. Just finish today. Just win this next hour.

Spoiler - I didn’t quit after that day. Or the next day when I made the same empty deal with myself.

I didn’t quit when I started wrestling and discovered the unfortunate reality of my athletic prowess - I’m best at sports that require high levels of technique, and even higher levels of suffering. This became my reality as I excelled in wrestling and later Olympic style weightlifting which required me to train heavy squats 9 sessions a week.

That morning in Alaska in the rainy, cold and foggy pre-dawn hours I started again.

Just win the next hour. You can do this for one more hour, then maybe the rain will stop. Maybe the fog will lift. Maybe Jeff will slow the fuck down take a rest.

And as that hour progressed, my body heat warmed the inside of my cold rain gear. We had stopped a few times to glass for deer. The fog lifted and I could see hundreds of miles out into the beautiful inside passage, a maze of ocean and island mountains. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever saw. And a few hours later the sun was out and I was drying my socks off on a warm rock. And that’s when my next hour of battling gnats began.

But I had won my last hour, and was ready for the challenge of the next hour, and the next three days.

Most people see the finish line or finished product. They see the fully functioning business they’re trying to grow or the gap between current skill level and the top level of competition. They think in order to succeed in business or athletics they have to know how to get to the finish line. But that’s not true.

You just need to start. You need to find one step that will lead ot the next. You need to win your next hour.