Well , it’s been 6 weeks.

And during those 6 weeks, it’s happened 3 times.

The 3rd time made me pause, an unmistakable moment of clarity.

The Frank Sonnenberg quote “lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned,” is generally used when people keep making the same mistake, bearing the same burden, getting hurt or humiliated repeatedly. But in place of personal pain or displeasure, this lesson gives hope and joy.

The 1st time it came in a text message. A link to a commencement speech by author David Foster Wallace, with no accompanying words or explanation. The 2nd time was via an instagram post by Coach Jason Ackerman. And Maya Angelou delivered the 3rd.

DFW discusses what an afternoon-gone-to-shit looks like, including an obligatory after work stop at the grocery store. The clunky wheel on the cart creates a loud cadence as you peruse the aisles full of other frustrated people before waiting in line behind the woman who insists on writing a paper check. It’s enough to elicit a physical response, the feeling of rising blood pressure as you have internal arguments with everyone in the store.

Take a step back and realize - you are all sharing the same experience. These people are not trying to wrong you, they have their own lives. Their own struggles. Maybe the check writer lost her wallet and spent the afternoon digging through her junk drawer to find the check book so she can buy groceries to feed her grandchild she’s been caring for since her daughter died last week.

The post by Coach Ackerman reminded me of a lesson I learned when teaching. If a student is acting out, take a step back and consider why someone would act like that. He is not giving you a hard time, he is having a hard time.

Last night while struggling to sleep I took a break from trying in order to relax. In the living room I started a new book but only made it two pages before pausing to take notes for this email. Maya Angelou clarified the lesson with the advice “try to be a rainbow in somebody’s cloud.” 

It’s been 6 weeks.

Now I get it. 

You have no idea what others are going through. There is so much in life you can’t control. But there are things you always have control over. 

Your attitude.

Your thoughts.

How you treat people.

And looking back for other signs of this lesson, I see my father. This lesson is something I’ve witnessed live throughout my life. Dad was always kind to others, even the old smelly couple that nobody wanted in the building. He always goes out of his way to say “hi” to anyone he recognizes, making them feel seen and important.

Maybe you interpret this as “be the change (or light) you want to see in the world.” But most importantly, just be fucking nice to people.

Be great,

Danny Lehr

P.S. Here’s the DFW speech Steven sent me, I HIGHLY recommend you take the time to listen: Animated Subtitles | David Foster Wallace "This is Water." (Beautiful Subtitles To Learn English)