Hey ,
Ever noticed how some people just never say the right thing?
It's hard to appreciate them in those moments.
Here’s how to effectively hold compassion for them:
1: Consider they might lack awareness.
Everything you communicate is a choice. Just because you're aware of that doesn't mean everyone is. Failures in communications now could lead to positive change later.
2: Take note of this to share with them later.
Unless it's in a serious conversation or a serious faux pas, don't interrupt them to change their ways right way... it'll transform their opinion of you into someone they may not be comfortable with.
Instead, wait until a little later and say, “I would love to give you some feedback on something you said earlier."
3: Don't take it personally.
In the rare case that someone is actually trying to make you feel bad, they're probably just trying the best with the tools they have.
Having a strong internal sense of self keeps you resilient to erosion from tough moments throughout the day. Remember, your true self is always growing.
Pro tip: Once someone has been made painfully aware that their words are hurting you, then it's time to consider reevaluating the way you show up (or if you show up) in the relationship.
Class: Starting in June, I'm launching a two-month once-a-week communication skills class designed to help people recognize who they are inside and bring that as close to who they are on the inside.
This includes learning some advanced basics, listening to yourself, listening to others, navigating hard conversations, making friends, and having fun in creative and growth-oriented ways. Reply to this email with the word 'class' if you'd like to learn more.
- Orly
P.S. The clearer you communicate, the harder it will be for someone to ignore your feelings.
P.P.S. As I develop my email pattern, I'll find my voice by trying different things out. This email style is borrowed from Jefferson Fisher.
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