Hey ,
Have you ever thought a friend doesn't see you the same way?
When I was in grade school, my best friend moved without telling me. He just vanished.
For weeks, I thought he was hospitalized. Imagine my heartbreak when I finally asked an administrator if he was okay just to hear, "He doesn't go here."
Our mutual expectations were unspoken, and therefore unknown and unbalanced.
Here's how Aristotle sorted friendships into three levels:
1: Friendships of Utility (or convenience)
These are the people you're around - your classmates, co-workers, neighbors, your favorite vendor at the farmers market who greets you with a smile and a laugh and you get the best pickles around from him.
Most of these friendships end when you switch schools, jobs or neighborhoods.
2: Friendships of Pleasure
These are the people you share enjoyment with - your sports guys, your gym buds, your drinking and dancing friends.
You might lose these people if you switch habits. If you stop drinking, you might notice that you don't have much other interest.
Most friendships of pleasure aren't based in just one habit. You might still play sports or go to concerts with your drinking buddies. Having more in common helps keep these key friendships connected.
3: Friendships of Virtue (or Perfect Friendships)
This third level is the rare case of someone who has moved all the way up the ranks to basically best friend level.
It doesn't matter how far apart you live, or if you have any hobbies in common after while - you both recognize that you make each other's lives better by being in it and you naturally (or intentionally) let each other know that.
Opinion: You only need enough best friends to count on one hand.
3 - 5 perfect friendships is all you need. You'll have plenty of good level 1 and 2 friends, but once someone moves to level 3... it's important to keep them.
Class: Starting in June, I'm launching a two-month once-a-week communication skills class designed to help people develop confidence, combat loneliness, and elevate friendships from level 1 to 3. And keep them.
Reply to this email with the word 'class' if you'd like to learn more.
- Orly
P.S. The more you compare yourself to people you see online, the less satisfied you'll feel where you are. The aura of dissatisfaction will effect how your friends view your friendship. Remember to practice gratitude.
P.P.S. As I develop my email pattern, I'll find my voice by trying different things out. This email style is borrowed from Jefferson Fisher.
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