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Welcome to The Listening Table Newsletter, a weekly newsletter where I provide actionable ideas to help you build a more connected, better listening life.
The Anti-Loneliness Hamburger Brigade (name pending) is here and I want you to have a hamburger (with me).
In all of my listening table trainings, I end by saying that the most important listening table in life is the one where you eat with your friends and family.
Being able to listen and be present and make people feel heard is so key and I want to bring that into the world so I'm going to be inviting anyone to join me to get some hamburgers in Los Angeles the first Tuesday of every month. If you're interested in joining, just click on the image or the link above.
🎉Celebrating: Daph at San Francisco's first listening table (bench)
She said, "It was so rich I wouldn't know where to begin! The time flew by. I'll definitely go out again in a few days. I noticed when I held in silence they would ask about me (which I think is some people's natural tendency) and I was very transparent about centering them in the experience. It seemed to make them feel good but it made me reflect a lot on my rhythm in conversation. I think through practice I'll get a better sense of when to ask questions, when to reflect, and when to be silent."
🎥 Not Everyone Wants to be your friend
This week I posted a YouTube video about friendship, or a lack of it.
One of the habits that I am proud to have developed is to keep in touch with people I want to have in my life. It's worked for me with some pretty fantastic results. Not getting bothered if people don't pick up the phone. Not getting upset if they don't call you back.
For my close friends, I can ignore that. There's not a lot of pressure because they know I'll call them or text them again eventually. And some people have said knowing that has really helped them feel not alone when the rest of the world is quick to turn their back on someone if they don't reply to a call or two.
But it's hard to get back to someone when your mind is hampered by exhaustion, anxiety, depression, or stress. When you're feeling horrible, it's hard to reach out an ask for help, so it's especially at those times that it's important to reach out. This gives me hope.
Just this week, I learned that someone who I'd been trying to keep in contact with felt the opposite of my intended effect. Thankfully, they eventually told me that my calls and texts made them anxious. They asked why I'm so pushy about trying to have a relationship with them.
That was a key moment for me to reconsider. First, it was hard to hear this stuff. How was I supposed to know it was a trouble? All my past experience told me the opposite. I was shocked, hurt, disappointed. I was thinking, 'how could I not notice?'. Were there signs? Did I miss them?
The first thing I did in this situation was apologize deeply. I let them know that them feeling uncomfortable was the last thing I wanted. And then a bunch more. I said I'd give them space, and they even offered a way they'd prefer to be reached out to - success?! (It was by text and voice memo, btw.)
Even though I had to move through shame and discomfort, it allowed me to get a key to find a better way to connect. But now I'm sitting with this: Do I want to connect? Why?
I have plenty of people in my life that will pick up and return my calls. People that smile when my name pops up in their screen. So why do I need to jockey for this relationship? I'm not sure.
I don't want to close the door here, because there's no need to, but I can give this person space and feel fine about it. I'll see this person from time to time and things will be fine. We'll get along as much as we always have, I'm sure.
I'll just focus more on people who reciprocate.
💳 This Email Is Brought to You By GROK
Sponsorships make it possible for me to work on sharing the power of listening with the world who doesn't have it yet. If you've got any interest in building your own listening skills, check out GROK cards - which are on sale for 30% for the rest of the month. This is the best deal you will ever get for these.
Want me to personally help you through a listening block? I have filled my free spots for join my new 1-on-1 coaching program. Since it's brand new, and I'm trying new things, I'm still offering the program for 80% off. Reply to this email if you're interested in setting up an intro call.
Happy Listening,
Orly Israel
Self-celebration: I ran ten miles on Friday for the first time in my life.
LAST WEEK'S LISTENER APPRECIATION
One listener saw listening in a new light:
"Something I enjoyed learning and put into practice was listening thoroughly and having compassion for the person I was listening to. I actively worked on not cutting them off mid sentence and talking over them, it has helped my relationships!
Lastly, phrasing your words 'will the world end right now if they don't listen to my advice?' I use it as a mantra to remind myself that not everyone needs advice, they just want someone to listen to them.
Thanks for teaching me so much about listening."
One listener had their mind opened from one of my videos:
"Your talk on table 85 really made me stop and wonder how my current relationships affect me and my happiness. Because of that, I stopped and took a look at the relationships that I had and started focusing on the more meaningful ones and became a little happier! Thank you and all that you do in promoting good listening and promoting meaningful, powerful conversations and relationships. Keep going, the world needs more people like you!"
Setting up a listening table may not be for everyone.
There are a lot of reasons not to do it: it's inconvenient, bad weather, dangerous conditions, fear. Remember than any table can be a listening table if you make it one. You don't even need the table. If you do want to set one up, come to my How To Table session online on Sunday.
Please send your breakthroughs to me by simply replying to this email.
Let me know if you'd prefer to remain anonymous.
Happy listening,
Orly Israel
Not a New York Times Bestselling Author Yet
My Website -- My Instagram -- My YouTube Channel
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Until I find the right format for a newsletter, I'll be borrowing the formats of people whose newsletters I admire and subscribe to.
This one is a combination of Noah Kagan's and Mark Manson's and Sahil Bloom's Curiosity Chronicle and Bobby Hobert's.
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About this newsletter: You're receiving this email because you signed up to my newsletter. Each week, I'll send you a combination of ideas, updates, and learnings, or something to try in your life. If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter and all other updates from me, you can unsubscribe.
Disclaimer: By sending your breakthrough you are giving us your explicit consent to process the data and share it with our newsletter subscribers, thelisteningtable.com website visitors and on social media, including any sensitive data such as information regarding mental health, racial or ethnic origin, political opinions, religious or philosophical beliefs, sex life or sexual orientation. You may opt out and/or request deletion of the data at any time. You acknowledge that once we have shared your breakthrough with the other email subscribers we can no longer delete the data from their mailboxes.
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