Dear ,

On Monday I had caifan with globally recognised Best-selling Author Nir Eyal.

"Would you like to go to the economical rice spot down the road? The food here is not that good. Is that okay with you?" Nir asked me, when we met at our arranged spot. 

"Oh yea! Ok!" (I just spent 2.5 weeks in Europe so I'm definitely craving my caifan) 

I later told him he's one of the most Singaporean non-Singaporeans I've met, to which he said that was a huge compliment 😂

You may have read Nir Eyal's two bestselling books, listened to his insights on the Dairy of the CEO or Ali Abdaal's podcasts, or watched one of his insightful keynotes...

But what we don't get to experience is someone's energy and presence - until you actually meet them.

Nir and I met at the Asia Professional Speakers Singapore Annual Convention. He was the Opening Keynote Speaker and I was hosting the 2-day convention. 

I was immediately hooked to every piece of research, perspective and story he shared on stage, but what really left an impression on me was how human he was off stage. 

As someone who has met hundreds of successful people since I entered the entrepreneurship space 7 years ago, I've observed 3 things about those rare few that left a lasting impression on me.

1️⃣ They connect as humans first.

I'm sure we've all been to networking events that felt tense and performative.

People introduce themselves with their titles, talk mainly about their work, subtly weaving in their credentials or a sales pitch.

Having been to many professional networks and communities, I've learnt that you can 100% be professional and personal.

When Nir and I first chatted, he asked me about my recent travels, especially my impression of Paris, since he is planning to head there for a while with his family. I asked him about his experience moving to Singapore during the covid period, and what he likes most about Singapore.

We connected as humans first, and then naturally flowed into conversations about our individual projects and work.

Why is it that some conversations feel more human, and others are more performative?

My observation is that those who are able to connect as humans first share the following traits:

• they value multiple areas of their life, not just work
• they recognise that there are many different things that makes them who they are, not just their profession
• consequently, they are curious to get to know others wholly as who they are, not just for their job or title, and regardless of their status or number of followers

In order to have the ability to connect as humans first, we need to allow ourselves to BE human– embracing our multi-faceted selves.

2️⃣ They are 100% present.

There's a difference between trying to be present VS truly being present.

Here's the reality– many of us are going through A LOT. There's a lot happening in the world, a lot happening in our lives, and a lot happening in our brains. Many people try their absolute best to be present, but I can see the lethargy in their eyes.

What I've noticed with Nir is that he has this radiant presence about him, as if the thing he is doing at that present moment is the most important thing of his day. It was in the way he stood, indistractable, at the back of the conference room before his keynote, the same way he gave me his undivided attention when we were chatting.

I've observed this rare presence in a number of people I've met, and interestingly, they are often people whose job requires them to be in the spotlight or assume a leadership position.

And its not that they aren't dealing with any challenges, but rather, they have found a way to manage their thoughts, energy and focus, such that they have the capacity to give 100% focused attention on whatever project or person they are connecting with at the present moment.

3️⃣ They never stop being curious.

No matter how established or experienced they might be, they continue to learn, grow, and most importantly– gather feedback.

As a result, there's a natural humility in their tone and presence.

Personal Reflections 💭

As I'm writing this, I notice how I've work to be done in order for me to embody these traits I so admire. The questions I'm asking myself are:

💭 What is keeping me from being 100% truly present in each moment?

💭 How can I ensure I say yes to what is a "hell yes!", and no to the rest, such that I am sincerely focused to the things I say yes to?

💭 What inner inner work has to be done for me to recognise my value holistically (and not fall into the habit/conditioning of attaching my worth to my work)?

and above all... How can be human first?

Being Grateful and increasing your surface area of luck

If I didn't say YES to hosting the Asia Professional Speaker's Convention, I wouldn't have met Nir, or the other amazing global speakers at the convention.

Was I slightly scared? Hell yeah– Can you imagine hosting for a room full of professional speakers? They literally speak for a living. Some of them have spoken professionally longer than I've lived! Many of them flew from US, Australia, and different parts of the world to be there.

But I said yes, because I knew deep down I was ready for it.

You increase your surface area of luck when you choose courage over convenience. When you choose to enter rooms that inspire you, instead of those that are predictable and safe.

Last night, we had 11 amazing people who chose to embrace discomfort– attend an event with strangers and discuss about the topic of Difficult Conversations.

One shared with me: Wow Rae, through the exercise we did, I now know the reason why my partner closes off when I try to speak to him. I didn't realise I had this habitual way of speaking!

Others shared this:

What touched me the most was that everyone was willing to share their difficult conversations, including the fears and concerns they are in the process of navigating. It was extremely interactive and people were asking questions and contributing their perspectives.

If you'd like to increase your surface area of luck by being around growth-oriented and sincere people... join us for our next gathering!

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I hope to see you at my next event! Stay tuned.

In your corner,

Rae xx