Dear ,

Have you ever been frustrated about the smallest of things?

Last week, I planned to take a day trip to Ubud, which was 1 hour 15 mins away by bike from where I live. I really wanted to attend a class that starts at 9am so I had to leave my place at 7.30am. It was a class at "School Of Unified Healing", which offers classes at a minimal donation charge.

For anyone who has been to Bali, you'd know how unpredictable the traffic is. As I was on the road, I slowly saw the estimated time of arrival on my grab app increasing... from 9.05am to 9.10am to 9.15am... and I was getting more worried by the second.

I just focused on enjoying the bike ride and thought: "If I am meant to attend the class, I will", trying to ignore the nagging critical voice at the back of my mind that is saying "Urgh you should have left home earlier! You're spending more than an hour to get there, it'll suck if you miss it!"

I arrived at 9.13am, rushed to the reception and asked if I could join. The lady looked at me with sorry eyes and said “I’m sorry… we have a maximum of 10 minutes for grace period.”

My heart sank.

“Oh no… please? I came from Canggu and it’s only missed it by 3 mins…!” “

”I’m so sorry…not possible…you can go for the later classes...”

You gotta understand guys, I’m a perfectionist, so I actually get really frustrated when things don’t go according to my schedule. It’s something I’ve been learning to move past.

I walked away, defeated, my critical voice kicking in saying: "Seriously you couldn't have left home earlier? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" I recalled how I woke up this morning and how I sat on my bed replying messages I could've easily responded to later during the day. I beat myself up for 10 minutes until I decided - you know what, no use regretting what's been done. And so I did the next best thing - taking a bunch of nice photos with the breathtaking view of the rice fields.

I attended the next class, before heading to this cafe called "The Raw Temple" with an interesting concept, they only served raw foods..! I had the raw tacos which were so delicious that I found it hard to believe it was made of only raw foods. I had a lovely catch up with my travel sis Reiko who's living in Ubud for a month.

I attended the next class, had a delicious smoked ribs dinner (seriously, Warung Pondok Madu has the best ribs I've tasted) with Reiko and her husband, and then experienced my first ever cacao ceremony.

The day ended with me being filled up with all that joy, gratitude and connection. I realised that I may not have enjoyed my day this much if I was hung up about missing the first class.

The small things matter. The way you speak to yourself for the small frustrations. The way you hold space for yourself for the small disappointments. The seemingly small things that consume your headspace, even though people say it's "no big deal". These small things matter because they are a reflection of the bigger things. The way you respond to small things prep you for the big ones. And very often, the small things reveal opportunity for growth in the bigger things.

Yesterday I attended dance class, and it was a choreography I really really liked. Being the A star student that I am (lol) I went to see other student's IG stories from the class before to learn the choreo BEFORE the my actual class (how obsessive am I??)

I watched my videos after and majorly CRINGED at my form. Did you have a similar experience before? Looking at a video of a speech you've done, or a piece of content you've filmed, and you cringe? That was me yesterday. And it didn't just end with a cringe...

visual representation of my bad form lols (vs my lovely friend bella representing the accurate form)

I actually felt upset and disappointed with myself. And maybe a bit ashamed. I didn't understand why I was feeling this way, because it was just a dance class, it was a "small thing", why was I responding this way?

Instead of trying to make sense of my feelings, I sat down at a quiet cafe, and held space for myself to simply acknowledge these feelings. My good friends Amanda and Bella would often remind me: "Rae, there's no need to make sense or try to fix your feelings yet, the power is in FEELING them."

If you an ambitious, efficient, recovering workaholic like me, you may feel kind of annoyed because simply "feeling your feelings" leads to no solution. Truth is: Feeling your feelings IS the solution. To simply hold ourselves, giving ourselves what we need that we weren't given as a child and even now. To simply be held in a warm embrace, regardless of a "solution" or not.

As I held myself and tears started to flow, it dawned on me as to why this "small dance class incident" was hitting me harder than usual. It revealed to me how much residual shame I still harboured of my body and how it looks. The teacher teaching this class is tall, lean, and has broad shoulders (as per many other teachers, actually...) and this reinforced the belief I had in my head: "I need to look like them in order to look good".

This brought back so many memories of the times in my teen days where I resented my body. I avoided mirrors when I walked into the toilet because I couldn't stand how I looked. This "small thing" gave me the opportunity to work on a much bigger thing.

There's always an opportunity to grow and evolve when we create space to acknowledge our feelings, frustrations and wounds as we hold ourselves. In that moment, I held that little kid inside of me and gave her the love she's always wanted. I set an intention to learn how to love who I see in the mirror. I set an intention to open my eyes and look out for dancers who have a different physique so that I can see how the same movement can look good on different bodies when executed well. I felt the power surge back into me and I started getting excited for the next time I practice.

Similarly, when it comes to any new skill you learn, when it comes to navigating life's challenges and disappointments, observe how you speak to yourself. It seems like a small thing, but how you speak to yourself WILL impact the way you respond to failures and show up in life.

In my 6-months Own Your Voice Coaching Program, we learn not only how to speak powerfully on stages and on social media, but also how to speak to yourself with wisdom and grace, because that inevitably influences the way you show up in the world.

If you choose to take this opportunity in this season of your life to journey with me and oyv peeps, let me hold space for you in a 45 mins discovery call. You’ll leave with a clearer idea of what Owning Your Voice looks like for you in this season of life.

Simply click this link to watch my 2 hour masterclass that dives into my Own Your Voice Methodology and the link to apply for your discovery call lives there too :)

https://raefung.com/watch-masterclass

Keep shining as you are! If this resonates with you, share it with someone who might too :)

xx Rae