Hey Tribe,
Happy Sunday (and Father's Day)! What a week it has been for us. We hosted our own Own Your Voice Talkshow, and then guested on a talkshow, and also released a YouTube video that looks like it's been speaking to some of you :)
For those of you who didn't manage to join us for the shows, here's a recap (and sharing of my favourite takeaways and moments) from the week.
Own Your Voice Talkshow
As some of you may know, I'm the co-creator and producer-host of Singapore's first live, in-person talkshow, The Own Your Voice Show.
Last Saturday, we had our 3rd and 4th shows which was one of the most intimate, engaging and transformational experiences we've created.
If you couldn't join us, here are the top moments that I'll forever hold in my heart, as well as some key takeaways!
We learned, we laughed, we cried.
Last weekend we witnessed an audience of strangers hold space for each other's vulnerability and self-reflection, diving deep into intimate conversations around trauma, fear of speaking up, navigating difficult relationship dynamics, building a career we're proud of amidst the insecurities and feeling of not-good-enoughness that comes with it.
There's an unexplainable liberation that comes with peeling back the layers of someone's highs to reveal the lows.
There's an extraordinary peace when you learn the reasons why you may be feeling this way.
And there's a deep connection to know that others around you are figuring it all out on this journey of life.
I co-created the Own Your Voice Show in hopes to clear the fog of curated perfectionism we see on social media and make way for honest conversations and an ethical representation of what life is like.
I produced the show in a way that allowed our audience to take the mic and share their challenges. There were questions asked that made us go "hmm..." and just as an audience we paused, stayed silent just for a minute, and simply held space.
We're taught to figure things out efficiently since young, but sometimes what we need is the space to pause, feel, and express.
Here are some of my top takeaways from our guests:
Jeraldine Phneah is a Tech worker and Millennial Content Creator who shared her insights on building healthy relationships in the workplace and creating a meaningful life and career, distilled from her amazing track record of consistently overachieving revenue targets or getting promoted in every single company she's been in so far.
- When interviewing for a company, remember that the assessment goes two-way - as much as the company is assessing you, you are also assessing the company. Be clear of what you're looking for in a company and ask the right questions to identify it.
- You may ask for a "culture round", which is a request to meet the management of the organisation, so you can see if there's an alignment of values.
- A good question to ask your potential manager is -- "Why did you decide to take up the role as a manager?" This helps you understand their intention which could reveal to you their values. Of course, frame your question in a way that shows authenticity and genuine curiosity. Show them you're interested to get to know them and their "why".
Benjamin Wong is the Co-founder of Kinobi. He shared candidly about self-doubt along his entrepreneurial journey, even as Kinobi successfully impacted over 400,000 students in multiple countries in SEA, and having been recognised as one of Forbes 30 Under 30 (2022) in Asia.
- People with a "False Trade-offs" mentality tend to view situations as win-lose scenarios, where one choice must be sacrificed for another. They believe that compromise is impossible or that pursuing one option will automatically lead to negative consequences in other areas. i.e. We probably heard this before "You can either earn loads of money or have work-life balance and time with your family. You can't have both."
- As I heard this from Ben, I realised that this was the mentality I had growing up. In fact, this mentality sometimes stay with me leading me to struggling with being a workaholic and thinking "I can't be in a relationship and run my business, I won't have time."
- Observe your thoughts -- are you holding on to these "False Trade-offs"? Question yourself by asking "Who says??" "Is it really true??" Remember: You don't need to hold on to beliefs taught to you by your parents, mentors or society.
Oluchi Ikechi-D'Amico who's a Partner at EY and founder of Fully Bossed shared her golden tips on the 4 categories of soft skills that contributed to her making Partner in just over 10 years since graduation, especially in a male-dominated industry where not many people looked like her.
- The 4 categories of soft skills Oluchi has distilled from her years of experience in the consulting world:
- Mindset: How you think; strengthening how you see yourself.
- Brand: How others see you; strengthening your personal or start-up brand.
- Story: How you communicate; strengthening your ability to story tell and clearly articulate your brand, identity and goals.
- Orchestration: How you operate; strengthening your ability to make all of this happen.
- Oluchi shares the critical importance of knowing your values and building your career to support your values. She herself knows that autonomy is very important to her, and so she's build her career (including her businesses) to support this value of autonomy - where she can work on a flexible schedule and care for her young kids.
Mei Phing Lim is a Professional Career Coach and former Corporate Leader who shared her journey from being a shy quiet introvert who would usually prepare the slides on the backend, to leading multimillion-dollar projects with teams from over 43 countries, sharing her tips on how to navigate the corporate world.
- "Many people want to speak and be seen, but they don't wanna work hard to have something to say." This was such a powerful insight from Mei Phing. It's important to ensure you hone your thoughts and work on your craft, so when you do get the opportunity to speak, you have something worth saying.
- "The first step is always the scariest even when I knew all the content. It helped when I changed my mindset to "I'm simply sharing", as well as a LOT of practice."
Ambra Liew is my dear friend and a Breakup & Relationship Coach. She just brought so much love and kindness as she shared such nuanced perspectives on how to nurture our relationships, the importance of creating a solid sense of identity, and when to let go of a relationship.
- Put in work to build a solid sense of identity outside your relationship. Take time to know yourself as a person and that would be journalling, self-awareness work, having hobbies, friends, and a community outside of the relationship. This way, you'll never be attached to your partner in a way that is unhealthy.
- Many of us avoid tough conversations because we fear the outcome of it (i.e. we're afraid of feeling hurt, we're afraid of the relationship ending) When we are able to hold space for ourselves and truly make peace with the possible outcomes of the conversation, we can then have those tough conversations which are required for a deep, authentic, and healthy relationship.
Natalia Rachel is a Trauma-informed Educator & Human Intelligence Specialist. She who brought a life-changing conversation around how trauma shows up inside us and around us, how trauma impacts love and dating, demystifying intergenerational trauma, and facilitating an embodied meditation to connect to self-compassion and self-validation.
- “Trauma is when a past experience of threat (that is over), is living and breathing in us now. It may affect us physically, emotionally, and relationally. Trauma is not a past event or relationship… It’s how we are affected by it."
- Why is it so important to heal our trauma? Our trauma shows up in relationships when we engage in our trauma. We will never be truly connected, responsive, and harmonious with others until we learn how to respond to our trauma… and hold space for each other. Learning to identify and restructure our relating patterns is key to recovering and creating a more joyful dynamic with ourselves, with others, and the world at large.
- Natalia also shares how trauma impacts love and dating (as well as the difficulties we face in our modern commoditised landscape of love - it’s ripe for triggers, projection and transference). She observes that in our strive for efficiency, we treat dating as a business - marketing ourselves as products on dating apps and swiping like we're speed shopping. It makes us feel the need to put up a perfect front as opposed to form trusting relationships which requires vulnerability and authenticity.
Join us for our next show on 23rd Sep :) #ownyourvoice
Unconventional Paths to Meaningful Work (Talkshow and Q&A Panel)
Yesterday I had the absolute privilege to share my journey to doing meaningful work & the importance of owning your voice at work in and life.
Over 70 people (woaht!) joined us for this talkshow and Q&A panel as we dive deep into topics including Designing your Career and Life, Importance of Networking and Personal Branding, How to reach out to mentors, and the reality between balancing Passion and Practicality.
This talkshow was produced and hosted by the amazing Clara (@shredthatcheese on IG), who's a Wellness Lead at Tzu Chi HYC and also a Personal Trainer. She also happens to be one of my OYV coachees and I'm so incredibly proud of her for her journey - She chose to listen to her voice and charted a path for herself after she left law, now doing work she absolutely loves and living a life in alignment.
Here are a few powerful philosophies / life lessons I shared during the show that truly helped me create a career and life I love:
- You may think you don't NEED to Own Your Voice, but it is only by owning your voice and speaking up at work that people can benefit from your ideas. You can have the most brilliant ideas but they'll stay in your head forever if you can't convert it from thoughts into words.
- Clarity Creates Confidence — I grew my confidence when I stopped looking outwards in comparison and started looking inwards in self-discovery. So ask yourself: (a) What’s the life you want to live? (b) Who do you want to be? -- Instead of comparing myself with others according to THEIR metric of success, I created my own.
- How to choose the right mentors? "Mentors need to have 2 criteria - One, they don't tell you what to do, they ask you the right questions for you to find your own answers. & Two, they uplift you. They should never make you feel like you need them in order to succeed.
I also shared the stage with two amazing people, and here are some amazing nuggets I learnt from them!
Cheryl Lau, my good friend and Side Hustle Coach.
- Even after 3 years of being her friend and fan I still learn immensely from her ownership and work ethic.
- A powerful lesson I learnt from her is this "Know that things can change. Your context can change and you're allowed to change your mind."
- This is such a powerful lesson because it gives us so much liberation to make decisions even if we don't have everything figured out.
Shaun Kang, former lawyer, humanitarian, diplomat, educator, academic, and now a Career Advisor at NUS
- "Have fun. Make sure you choose a career you truly enjoy and feel fulfilled in. Never live with regrets. But of course, there are some real considerations - like money is important we need it to survive."
It was show full of rich perspectives and intimate conversations. Many questions asked as we explore the realities and possibilities of work and life.
PS: This talkshow was one of the many events organised by Tzu Chi Humanistic Youth Centre. What Tzu Chi HYC and their team does is aligned with one of my beliefs — that our youth have so much power and potential to impact our world.
Hearing their team share so passionately about the centre’s various programs aimed at empowering youths to create positive social impact locally and internationally, made me even more proud of be part of this show!
The LAST Confidence Video You'll EVER Need
In this video we talked about the the confidence scenarios that people DON'T really talk about:
- What to do when you’re the odd one out in a clique??
- Or when you’re clearly the least experience person in the room, and you’re trying to convince yourself you have a place at the table but you feel like you literally have nothing to say??
How can we be confident when IT'S hard? In this video you'll learn how to build REAL confidence, not a fake mask that is tiring to wear all the time.
✨✨ An Invitation ✨✨
This week I’m opening 5 slots (2 are already taken) for a 40 minutes deep dive session with me, where you'll:
- Get clearer on how you’ll like to use your voice
- Understand exactly what areas may be holding you back
- Learn the 2-3 immediate actions steps you may take to start owning your voice.
- Learn more about the Own Your Voice Programme
If you're keen, be the first 5 people who book a slot using this link: https://calendly.com/raefungx/1-1
Remember, Investing in yourself is the highest form of self-worth. Schedule time to work on yourself, put aside money to grow yourself into someone you're proud of. Shine and Own Your Voice. ✨✨✨
xx Rae Fung
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