Dear friend,

With cases of COVID19 on the rise, the stress and isolation of the pandemic can make it even harder to have conversations with loved ones.

I was recently interviewed by Tricycle Magazine to talk about how Mindful Communication can be a resource during these hard times. Here's a short summary with five key take-aways from the interview.

1. Take care of yourself

One of the best things we can do for our relationships and conversations right now is to take good care of our heart and mind. If we’re stressed or under-resourced, it’s that much harder to have a meaningful conversation. If you’re not in the right frame of mind for a conversation, be willing to set limits. Tell the other person that they matter to you, and that you don’t have the bandwidth to help or talk right now. Suggest another time for the conversation so you don’t leave them hanging.

2. Slow down

You can self-regulate in conversations by slowing down, taking a breath, or pausing. When we slow down even a little, we have more access to our good intentions and make wiser choices. Even one or two short moments can interrupt habitual speech patterns and help to break a cycle of blame or disconnection. Slowing down also helps us to give our full attention to others. When we’re really here, we feel more nourished by the time we spend together, even if the conversation is mundane.

3. Speak and listen from the heart

It’s easy to get caught in the complexity of a conversation or the heat of conflict. The more you can stay connected to and come from your heart, especially with loved ones, the more likely you are to find creative ways to connect. Experiment with active listening. Periodically repeat back a key word, phrase or emotion to let the other person know you've understood. This can give them the experience of feeling heard, build trust, and create more space to take things in.

When it’s your turn, speak from your heart with as much honesty and care as possible. The two are not mutually exclusive. Get clear about what matters to you and share that with as much love as you can muster.

4. Don’t take it personally

When you do have an argument or if someone is angry with you, try not to take it personally. We’re all under so much stress right now, which means we’re not going to be at our best much of the time. The more we can bear this in mind—giving others the benefit of the doubt—the easier it is to navigate disagreements.

5. Let go

Some family members may disagree about what is safe. This can tear people apart inside, and even lead to rifts in relationships if not handled well. For those who believe their family or friends aren’t taking this seriously enough, it’s important to remember that we feel upset because we care. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in trying to get someone to do what we want, that we forget the whole point: we love them and want to feel connected!

The reality is that we can’t control other people’s behavior or keep them safe. I’m not discouraging anyone from sharing their concerns, having open conversations, or making requests—but don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re here with your loved one(s) now. Life is so uncertain. When we remember our love and care for one another, we can find ways to stay connected and enjoy each other even when we disagree or feel afraid.

In kindness,

Oren

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