How to Make the Most of Time with Family

Nov 23, 2020 1:03 am

Dear friends,

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life was say goodbye to someone I loved.

I was 14 when my grandmother’s cancer worsened. I flew back to Israel with my father, and we spent the week visiting Safta in the hospital, sitting under the shade of the trees in the courtyard.

When it was time to leave, I sat next to her bed and took her hand in mine. I looked into her eyes and told her in broken Hebrew that I loved her and would miss her. I knew it was the last time I’d ever see her. Standing up and walking out of that room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I feel so lucky to have had the chance to say goodbye to Safta. Even now, I can close my eyes and see her face, feel the warmth of her hands and remember her soft smile.

Yet there are things I wished I had asked her. I was too young to consider what I would want to know later in life. What was your childhood like? How did you meet Sabba (my grandfather)? What were some of the happiest moments of your life? What lessons did you learn you'd want me to remember?

Since the shelter-in-place, many of us are in touch with family and loved ones more frequently. Alongside the hardships, this is also an opportunity to remember that we never know how much time we have together.

Why not use some of those idle moments to ask the questions you’ve never had time to ask? However well we think we know someone else, however many years we’ve spent by their side, each life is a mystery, as unique and unfathomable as the next.

A friend of mine recently lost her 94 year old father to COVID-19. She passed along this list of 30 questions to ask our loved ones, by author and performance coach Brendon Buchard. I hope it offers some ideas for how to use the time we have together in a meaningful way, and that this note might bolster your courage to risk talking about what matters with those you love.

If you’re feeling lonely as you read this (because those closest to you have already passed away, or you’re estranged) I invite you to check out this short reflection on loneliness and love I recorded with my friends at Ten Percent Happier.