Thanksgiving is just around the corner here in the US and it’s common to have mixed feelings about seeing family (even if you’re gathering remotely). Between the pandemic, the political climate and the holiday's painful history, there’s plenty of tension in the air.
Whether your heart is aching to be with loved ones or you’re anxious about where the conversation may go, how we show up and engage can have a profound effect on the quality of the time we spend together.
I recently came across some valuable tips for having deeper conversations in this short article by David Brooks in the NY Times. Many of his tips echo things I teach, like leading with presence, cultivating curiosity and listening for what matters.
I found one of his suggestions particularly meaningful: ask elevating questions.
An "elevating question" brings out the best in us and raises the conversation to a different level.
I don't know about you, but it's so easy for me to fall back on habitual ways of relating with family: to feel lulled into boredom or charged with reactivity by my expectations. What would it take to see each other freshly and spark a different kind of conversation?
I was chatting with an old friend recently who asked such a question: "What's your learning edge right now?" I loved where the conversation went.
Here are a few more examples of 'elevating questions' you might try asking to take the conversation in a new direction:
- What inspires you these days?
- What's something this year that challenged an idea or belief you had?
- What's a decision you made recently that took some careful consideration?
- Where are you finding beauty?
- What's a problem or concern you used to have that's no longer an issue?
However you spend this week, please take care of yourself and those around you. I wish you and your loved ones safety, peace and well-being.
In kindness,
Oren
PS - If you missed my election meditations you can catch the recordings on YouTube.
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