Dear friends,

I want to extend a warm invitation to join me for a meditation session Tuesday (12/8) or next Sunday (12/13). Details are here.

When we hit a rough patch—especially a long one like 2020—it’s common to feel stuck, restless, worried. In many places (including where I live in California), we’ve entered another shelter in place, just in time for the holidays.

It’s natural to think (perhaps with a groan), “When will this be over? How will I get through the holidays? What’s going to happen to the economy?”

The Buddha called focusing on such questions “unwise attention.” They tend to be driven by fear, anxiety, or an unhealthy desire for control. They can obsess our minds, sap our energy and don’t lead anywhere useful.

In one ancient text (MN.63), the Buddha refused to answer a disciple’s metaphysical questions, and shared this allegory:

“It’s as if a person were shot with a poisoned arrow, but before allowing a doctor to operate, they insist on knowing who shot the arrow, where they came from, what kind of bow they used, where the arrow was made, and so on. This person would die before getting answers.”

Learning to ask the right questions is key to finding our way through hard times. For the questions we ask frame how we see the world, how we relate to ourselves, to one another and to life. 

How would it be to ask instead, “What can I learn from this?”

The Buddha also talked about a different kind of attention, “wise attention,” which shifts our perspective in a helpful way. Instead of thinking in terms of the past and future, self and other, we can ask questions that encourage presence, reveal where we’re stuck inside and support transformation.

“How am I relating to what’s happening? What is this teaching me? Where am I holding on and what can I let go of? What’s needed right now? What do I value and how do I want to show up? Who can I call on for support?”

So, if you’re feeling down or stuck as the holidays approach, first and foremost know that you’re not alone. It’s been a tough year. It’s okay not to feel joyful or excited. I want all of us to be free to feel exactly how we feel—whatever that is.

Then, consider how you’re thinking about things. Are you spinning your wheels with questions that can’t be answered? If so, try asking a better question and see if it shifts your perspective.

What do you ask when you’re stuck that lets you see things in a new light? Drop me a note and let me know.

In kindness,

Oren

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