Dear friends,

When I step back, I still find it hard to believe how intense the last year has been, with so many challenges we continue to face.

It can help to think about recovering from a traumatic event (and a global pandemic could certainly approach that level) as being like healing a physical injury. If you try to do too much, too fast, you may just re-injure yourself. But if you just stay comfortable and don’t do anything, you’ll never heal. 

A couple of summers ago, I tore my rotator cuff while swimming. It affected everything: daily movements, hugging, even how I slept. I was given some physical therapy exercises, and told it would take a few months to heal.

I didn’t notice anything initially, but after a few weeks the exercises became easier, with less pain and more mobility. I slowly increased the number of reps and the weights. Over time, the tissues began to heal and my shoulder grew stronger. Sure enough, after a few months, I had recovered fully.

Opening back up to life after such an intense year can be similar. Two principles in healing trauma can help guide the transition.

The first is called “pendulation,” which is a fancy way of saying ‘going back and forth.’ You start by establishing a sense of relative safety. Notice the areas in life where you feel even a little bit steady, strong, or at ease, and root yourself there. Allow that comfort to really register. Then, explore an experience that may be a little challenging, noticing what unfolds for you. Last, allow your attention to move back and forth between the two naturally and rhythmically.

The second principle, called “titration,” deals with how much difficulty we bite off at once. The word titrate comes from chemistry, where it refers to carefully and slowly adding one substance to another, a little bit at a time, to complete a reaction. In trauma healing, we titrate the amount of stimulation introduced to the nervous system in small, manageable doses as a way of staying regulated, while gradually increasing our capacity to integrate the intense feelings and energies that may be triggered. Like physical therapy, increase a little bit at a time, stretching just enough beyond your comfort zone to grow, but not so much that you're overwhelmed.

Pendulation and titration work in tandem. Establish the safe context, then titrate the amount of new things you do, then return to a safe context to integrate the experience. Go at your pace, taking it as slowly as you need. When you’re ready, experiment again, going back and forth (pendulating) between contexts that feel easier, and ones that are less comfortable or familiar.

How this all plays out is up to you.

You can begin the process of opening back up by investigating a question: where’s your home base? Where do you feel “safe enough” to relax and settle? Ground yourself there. Then ask: What’s the next step to move into your zone of strategic discomfort? Notice how it feels to take that step, what emotions are present, and see if you can let go of any self-judgment as you do so.

It’s okay to feel afraid and uncomfortable, but we don’t want these feelings to control our lives either. So, with mindfulness as your ally, dip your toe in and test the waters. We can each go at our own pace, and together, we’ll find our way.

Warmly,

Oren

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