As we approach the birth of our first child, I’m at the precipice of a major transition, devoting most of my time and energy to supporting my wife and preparing to welcome our son into this complex world. (And yes, finishing the manuscript for my new book—it’s almost done!)

When meeting transitions in life, external changes invite us to learn and grow internally. In addition to obvious things like talking with friends and making time to feel what’s happening, I’ve found the practice of wise reflection to be an immense support in such transitions. 

Reflection is more than just “thinking about” something. It’s a contemplative skill we can cultivate, and one that isn’t taught frequently enough in my opinion.

There is an art to wise reflection, and it begins with listening for the right questions. A good question helps us get in touch with what’s true at the deepest level. Sometimes, it brings us right to the edge of what we know, opening the heart with curiosity. 

Some of the things I’ve been reflecting on include: What does it mean to me to be a father? How can I best support my wife during this time? What do I need to take care of myself?

The process of reflection harnesses the stability of meditation to invite the wisdom of psyche. Here are four steps for wise reflection: 

1. Settle your mind and body in whatever way is natural for you.
2. Pose the question to your heart.
3. Listen carefully, holding a space to receive whatever comes—including the silence of listening.
4. Whenever your attention drifts, pause. Center yourself, and prompt the question again.

The key is being open to anything and everything that arises: feelings, thoughts, images, memories or a sense of not knowing. Make room for all of it, without needing to make sense of anything immediately.

In this way, we are available to a deeper kind of wisdom. Beyond the personal feelings and needs that may be present, we may uncover layers of meaning through archetype or resonance with themes present in the collective.

Close the session by returning to a place of still, grounded awareness, reviewing anything that seems relevant.

Our son is due in a couple of weeks, and I’ll be taking some time off after his arrival to bond and adjust to this new reality. I’ll be back online in mid-October for my fall online course, Say What You Mean (part 1), which is now open for registration. If you're looking to improve your relationships or brush up on your communication skills, I'd be delighted for you to join me!

In kindness,

Oren 

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