Dear friend,

In times like these, with so much loss, anxiety and hardship, we need each other. Whether we’re separated by physical distance, health risks, or other circumstances, we can still find ways to draw on the love we feel if we take the time to slow down and connect.

I have great faith in the contemplative arts, and have experienced palpable benefits in my life through meditation, self-care, and resourcing practices.

Yet to be perfectly frank, sometimes I just want a hug!

An old friend of mine and I used to jokingly call it “Vitamin H.” As you may know, there are many documented benefits to healthy touch: psychological, emotional, even physiological. Even before the pandemic hit, technology had reduced the amount of touch most of us experience on a daily basis. These days, a good hug can be hard to come by! 

Prolonged absence of human touch, known as “skin hunger” or “touch starvation,” can be detrimental to our health. Insufficient loving touch and affection can result in stunted growth and even death in infants.

Fortunately, there are ways to receive the full benefit of healthy touch, and creative alternatives to access those benefits when we don't have or want physical contact. 

Whether you're sharing a hug, holding hands, or exploring one of the alternatives I suggest below, here are three steps to be nourished by touch.

I. Honor your needs for touch

The first and most important step is to honor your own needs and boundaries around touch. It can feel vulnerable—even edgy—to put yourself out there and ask friends or family for physical contact. But if we don’t ask, it’s even less likely that we’ll get our needs met.

If you want to share a hug and are concerned about the health risks, a recent article in The Guardian shared some creative tips for how to hug safely during lockdown.

If you live alone (or aren't seeking out others), the same principle applies: you won’t get your needs met if you don’t acknowledge them and take action. If you’re longing for physical contact, make a little time for conscious touch.

Here are a few methods I’ve found rewarding during periods of solitude:

• Gently clasp your hands together, holding one in the other.
• Turn the palm of one hand up; then, slowly trace a circle in your palm with the first two fingers of your opposite hand.
• Massage a sore muscle anywhere in your body.
• Place one hand against the side of your face; gently stroke your cheek with the front or back of your hand.
• If you have a furry friend, petting them is always a bonus!

II. Give the experience of touch your full attention

As you touch, be fully present to the sensations you experience. Whether you’re hugging your spouse, petting your cat or dog, or clasping your hands together, bring all of your awareness to the direct, felt sensations of contact. Let everything else fall away, and be right here with those sensations.

III. Linger with the pleasure

Last, linger with any feelings of pleasure, ease or relaxation that come, however small. Imagine this good feeling seeping into the rest of your body, soaking and spreading through your entire being. The more you let it in, the more it can nourish you.

A long hug or prolonged contact can be wonderful when its welcome, but in my experience it’s less about the duration of contact and more about the quality of presence and intentionality you bring to the moment. Even a few moments of touch can be meaningful and nourishing if we're fully present and able to receive.

In kindness,

Oren

Feel free to forward this email.

(Subscribe here)