Finding Contentment Here and Now

Nov 23, 2020 1:37 am

I hope you're enjoying the long weekend, keeping healthy and well.

Over these past couple of months, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to stay home, and how to find some space inside when the options for going outside are limited. With shelter-in-place orders lifting soon for many here in the United States, it's an important time to consider why we leave home. My latest blog below on the topic is below.

I'm also delighted to share that I'm leading a zero-cost, six week online course this summer, Wise Speech: The Foundations of Mindful Communication. You can learn more and register here.

The Art of Staying Home

When I sat my first meditation retreat (over 20 years ago now), there were moments I didn’t think could make it.

It was a weekend retreat—Friday through Sunday—48 hours of no talking, reading, or writing plus a lot of meditation. We couldn’t leave the retreat center, and I felt like I’d been locked into an echo chamber with my own thoughts repeating in an endless loop. I wrote letters and rehearsed conversations countless times, and then couldn’t stop doing it even when I grew tired of it.

It takes practice to learn how to be with one’s own mind without driving yourself nuts! But even a little skill in this domain can bring tremendous freedom—especially these days, when most of us have been stuck indoors, feeling confined, alone or with our families.

VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY

One of the core values on the contemplative path is simplicity—letting go of things that aren’t important, and developing the wisdom to differentiate what’s important from what’s extra.

The act of meditating is a kind of temporary, voluntary simplicity. We put aside all other activities—the news, the kids, the to-do list, entertainment and other distractions—to settle the mind and strengthen certain mental qualities.

As we practice, we begin to see that letting go of external activity is actually the easy part. It takes only a few seconds to tell your family that you’re going to meditate, put your phone on silent, sit down and close your eyes. What’s more challenging is the process of letting go of the internal activity.

It takes time, patience, and skill to disengage our attention from the incessant thoughts and impulses of the mind. “Don’t forget to call so-and-so… Why did she say that…? I can’t stand how vague he is sometimes!”

OUR TRUE HOME

The mind’s tendency is to get caught up in the content of experience—our thoughts and feelings, or the many sights and sounds we experience. When we do this, our attention rushes to whatever sensation, thought, or experience is most compelling and intense in that moment. We rush out through our eyes, our ears, even with our thoughts. We lurch into the future, or reach back towards the past.

And every time we rush out, we overlook something more fundamental—our real home right here and now.

Meditation practice is about discovering our true home, right here in this body and mind, and learning how to “stay at home.” Home is not just a physical place. Home is also a mental and emotional space where we feel at ease, where we don’t have to put on any airs, where we can relax and just be.

The insight of all contemplative practice is that home is always right here. It always has been and always will be. The problem is that the untrained mind keeps LEAVING. We keep leaving home in search of something else that will fulfill us, forgetting all the while that we seek is always right here—within...