“Which would you rather have: great wealth and riches, or time with someone who clearly points out your faults?” 

As a young, enthusiastic seeker, I felt inspired by this Buddhist parable. I even romanticized the idea of humbly receiving difficult feedback in service of spiritual growth. Knowing where we falter is the door to inner freedom, worth more than all the riches in the world.

Now, some 25 years later, I find myself blessed with an unexpected gift: the continual, daily reflection of my shortcomings from my wife and child. I see my patience evaporate at 3:00am with our sleepless infant. I recognize my embarrassing tendency to try to control things.

When confronted with these places, I feel grateful for the years of practice that have given me a foundation of self-love. In my less proud moments, I want to defend myself, act out, argue, or hide. Yet all of this is part of unwinding the knots in our hearts.

This process begins by not taking our faults personally. With perspective, we can regard them kindly not as “faults” but as old habits of self-protection that no longer serve. When my heart contracts, annoyed over the latest domestic tiff, my practice offers a way forward: the groundedness to pause, breathe, transparently acknowledge how I'm feeling, and allow the wave of irritation to wash through me. 

This process of unwinding shifts to a deeper kind of release when I can even celebrate being mindful of these places. A moment of feedback or self-awareness is a priceless jewel. 

Don’t get me wrong: with the pressures of parenting, working, and getting by on insufficient sleep, I’m thrilled if I can do this even 50% of the time! Yet every time I’m able to, I grow stronger.

That which is aware of irritation isn’t irritated. And in that knowing, there is space and freedom.

In kindness,

Oren

P.S.

My fall classes, retreats, and trainings are now open for registration. Take advantage of early bird registration for my next Say What You Mean online course, join me for a free evening or book tour event later this year, or take a deeper dive into your communication skills with our 8-month online Immersion in Nonviolent Communication.

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