I was shocked to hear the words come out of my mouth: “Is it really okay to wish myself well? To want to be happy?”

We were less than 48 hours into a week-long, silent lovingkindness retreat, where one strengthens kindness through the focused repetition of phrases like, “May I be safe. May I be happy and well. May I live with ease.”

It all sounded simple enough, but I’d just come through a relatively rough patch and was pretty shaken. I wasn’t surprised when a well of doubt and self-loathing emerged, questioning my very right to feel happy. 

I was reminded of all of this yesterday, when a participant asked almost the exact same question during a meditation session. “Do I deserve to be happy?”

There are many things that can complicate our wish for happiness—painful or harsh experiences in life, the immense suffering in the world. One needn’t look far to justify a story that says, “You don’t deserve to be happy.” 

How much do you allow yourself to aspire? How happy do you imagine you can be? Is it okay to even want happiness?

It all depends on what one means by happiness. 

Is happiness about just feeling comfortable, having pleasant experiences, or accumulating possessions? I think that most people recognize the limitations of this kind of happiness.

There are deeper kinds of happiness. There is the happiness of integrity, of living a life of kindness and generosity. There is the happiness of concentration, when the mind and body are unified and content. And there is the highest happiness of peace that comes from knowing who and what we truly are.

All of this is possible, if we dare to aspire and are willing to work for it.

After a long, hard year of the pandemic, with so many real problems all around us, it may seem naïve to talk about happiness. Yet I firmly believe that the happier we are, the more we have to offer the world. What’s more, healing and transformation can be joyful. The struggle for liberation, personal and collective, is companion to purpose, deep satisfaction and yes, happiness.

If you’d like to learn more about how to have hope in hard times, join me this Thursday for a conversation about happiness and practical hope.

With warm wishes,

Oren

Practical Hope

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