My heart’s been getting a workout lately. 

It’s easy to believe that meditation means getting calm and peaceful or feeling good. While the contemplative path includes all of that, it’s also so much more. 

To meditate is to be aware, to learn to see clearly and then to respond to what's needed.

That means opening to all of what it is to be human — the joy and the sorrow. 

The news and images from the war in Ukraine, now over 30 days old, have been harrowing. There are times when I read what’s happening and weep. Other times, I need to turn the news off and take a break. Talking about it with others helps me feel some connection; donating can help me feel the tiniest bit of agency; staying abreast of nonviolent responses helps me gain perspective.

In the end, I keep having to call forth courage to be with the pain, anger and helplessness. It takes time and energy to do this, and it feels essential to keep from shutting down or turning away. (Friends at East Point Peace Academy recently published this powerful piece on helplessness in relation to the war.)

Alongside so much collective heartache and pain, there’s also been a tremendous amount of joy in my personal life. As some of you know (from my class or from social media), I got married a couple of weeks ago.

Many years ago, longing to engage more with the world and to honor my relational nature, I made a choice to leave the monastic life. Just six months after disrobing, I met the woman who is now my wife, and had been wanting to marry her ever since.

This rite of passage was so meaningful for me that I literally felt overwhelmed by joy in the weeks leading up to it. The prospect of standing before our community and taking vows connected me with the depth of my love and devotion—to her, to my path in life and to my aspirations.

I had to work consciously to expand my heart’s capacity to feel all of my joy.

This, too, meant taking time to be with my thoughts and feelings. It meant speaking with friends about all that was happening inside, slowing down to feel it, breathing and even crying with the joy. When I finally stood at the altar before my wife to be, in front of our family and friends, I felt solid, clear, and open. 

The path of meditation isn’t about cutting ourselves off from the world or suppressing anything. It’s about learning to be with all of life – when it’s hard, and when it’s joyful. It means finding the support we need to stay open to the suffering in the world. And, when we have cause to celebrate, opening our hearts fully to the joy that we feel.

May you find the delicate balance to be with all that you feel right now, to stay awake and aware, and to respond to what's needed with clarity and love.

In peace,

Oren

(Want to reconnect? Join me for a day or evening of meditation this spring.)

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