I sent out today's email with yesterday's subject line. Sorry for the confusion.

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I received the following email from a wife:

I need to learn how to rebuild trust. My husband admitted to lying to me for years. It’s hard now to trust that he’s 100% honest.

Here's my response, and I'm hopeful it helps you.

I can totally see why trusting is difficult for you.It’s easy to look for areas where he’s not being honest and you could spend the rest of your life on the lookout. 

What if instead you began looking for areas where he is being truthful? It may seem like the same thing but there’s a distinction between looking for dishonesty and looking for truth.

Looking for dishonesty puts you in a mood where he’s doomed before you find anything (if you find anything). However, looking for truth puts you in a mood where you’re hopeful he’s being straightforward.

Sure you may be hopeful and find that he’s being dishonest. But at least you approached the situation from a place that empowers you and gives him the benefit of the doubt instead of one that drains you and makes him guilty from the outset. Still, of course, in the end he has to be honest.

Kevin

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