Help! My spouse voted for THAT guy. 😡
Nov 10, 2020 6:43 pm
Reading Time: 3 minutes, 16 seconds
Note: I write this email knowing it is going to stir up emotions that are already running hot. I wasn't going to mention the election, but believed it would be helpful for couples who are split politically. I write this email as a registered Independent, and am hopeful that the message comes across as balanced, biblical, instructive, and encouraging for us all.
As if 2020 had not already presented us with enough trauma and drama to last a lifetime, last week's presidential election - and the aftermath - trumped it all.
The atmosphere is charged with lawsuits, transitions, anger, joy, resignation, hope, prayers, caution, and more.
For many of us, we only interact with the "other side" on social media, at rallies, at work, or if we decide to spend time with friends or family.
For others, however, the clash is with the person you live with ... the one you're committed to ... your spouse.
Although you knew your spouse didn't agree with you politically, you still figured too much was on the line for him/her to vote with their party.
You thought to "keep the peace," your mate would vote your way -- or at least vote for an independent.
But, that didn't happen. Your spouse voted for THAT guy.
It hurt and angered you. You felt betrayed.
"How in the world could my mate -- or anyone for that matter -- vote for THAT guy?!?" you keep asking yourself.
Well, it happened. Your mate voted for THAT guy -- and proudly I might add.
And now, just as the country is torn, so is the intimacy in your marriage.
Who's to blame? You or your mate?
Who should have switched their vote? You or your mate?
Most importantly, who should have voted according to Jesus instead of their party? You or your mate?
While I cannot remove any of the bitterness, angst, sadness, or disappointment you may feel about your mate's vote, I can offer some guidance from scripture that will help you deal with your mate and others who voted differently than you.
a. Your first responsibility is to God, not a party. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, not a party nor candidate. (Psalm 33:12)
b. When your ways please the Lord, he will make your enemies -- including your spouse -- be at peace with you. (Proverbs 16:7)
c. Remember that you and your mate share something greater, more special, and more holy than politics, disagreements, and hurt feelings. You share a covenant to love each other unconditionally.
d. It's key to remember that NEITHER political party matches up apples to apples for the holiness and righteousness that the Bible teaches. Recognizing that both parties and platforms fall short should lessen the demonization of the other party.
e. Both party's platforms contain biblical truths, and both stray in areas. As a result, you prioritize biblical truths in your party's platform while your mate prioritizes biblical truths present in his/her party's platform.
You'll discover that God is big enough to encompass multiple viewpoints of who he is and what he commands. As such, you're not to judge others because they place more importance on another aspect of what he commands while you place more importance on another aspect of what he commands.
f. If you're happy as a junebug right now, rejoice. But, don't forget you're called to weep with those who weep. If you're weeping, weep. Just remember that you're called to rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). While you may not be pleased with the result, you can allow yourself space to accept that your spouse is.
g. As much as it depends on you, live in peace with your mate and others (Romans 12:18). If you need to unplug from the news and/or social media for a while to settle yourself so you can live in peace, do it.
h. Above all, choose to love. Just so we're all working from the same definition of love, I'll give you 1 Corinthians 13 from the Phillips Translation:
This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.
Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.
i. Remember who you are, and who you represent. At some point, the furor surrounding the election of 2020 will subside. Passions will subside, and we'll navigate new roads. Just remember that what you say and do now is going to determine how easy or difficult those roads are to navigate.
Think, speak, and act with the future in mind; not just how you're feeling in this moment.
Tomorrow coming, and the intimacy in your marriage will be influenced by what you say and do today.