Hi ,

Yesterday morning I turned the shower on, and the water trickled out. My first thought was, "Shoot! I forgot to pay the water bill." 😫

Then, nearly as fast, I remembered the payment is due Monday.

After visiting my neighborhood's facebook page, I learned that the water main had been broken by workers putting in a new road outside our development.

Without the ability to shower, I was limited to using a trickle from the sink.

It took much longer to get ready, but I managed.

As I finished up, I realized that washing, shaving, and shampooing my hair in the sink was not wrong. It was simply different than what I'm used to.

Abnormal. Out of the ordinary.

But, certainly not wrong.

After all, there are plenty of people who wash, shave, and/or shampoo in the sink on a daily basis.

Here's the point: I couldn't place a moral value on doing those things in the shower or sink (calling it wrong or right). It's all a matter of preference and opinion.

The same goes for things you're getting worked up about in your marriage.

For example, maybe you're strict about putting glasses and cups on the top rack of the dishwasher. Your spouse, on the other hand, may put them wherever they'll fit. As a result, you get on your spouse about doing it the "right way" (that is, your way). Now, loading the dishwasher is not only a point of contention in the marriage, but also an issue of morality.

C'mon, man!

With everything else we have to deal with, we don't want the dishwasher to be a point of contention in our marriage. And, we certainly know that how one loads the dishwasher is not a matter of morality.

But, in the heat of the moment, we're not thinking this way. It's all about right or wrong, good or bad (which is really based on our interpretation of how things should be done).

Don't get me wrong...there are certainly areas in marriage that fall down on the side of morality.

But, in my experience and observation, we confuse the two all the time. We wind up categorizing things as right/wrong, true/false, good/bad when really they're a matter of preference and opinion.

And when we do this, unfortunately, we create a world of problems that never needed to exist in the first place.

Weekend Fieldwork:

1. Look around your marriage to see where you've turned matters of preference and opinion into matters of morality. (Hint: the best way to discover these areas is to consider what your spouse says, thinks, or does that you label "wrong").

2. Ask yourself and answer this question: "What's it costing me, my spouse, and marriage to make ___ (the issue) a matter of morality?"

Have great weekend!

Kevin

ps - I paid the water bill yesterday just to be on the safe side 🚿😚