Help for the difficult days of marriage

Jun 12, 2020 11:52 pm

Think back to the last tough situation you faced in your marriage.

What did you say to yourself during that time?

Maybe you said:

  • If I were single, I wouldn't have these issues.
  • It sure would be nice to be married to ____.
  • I can't stand my spouse.
  • If it weren't for the kids, I would have been out of there by now.
  • Maybe my spouse will decide to leave me so I don't have to make a move.

Here's the sad part: these thoughts merely scratch the surface of what we really think when we're nursing pain from another difficult day of marriage.

The truth is this: there will difficult days. And, depending on your situation, there may be more difficult days than delightful days.

Although I'm Mr. Marriage Works!, the reality is that I'm not immune to the marriage difficulty. In fact, the difficult days can feel more extreme because I know I have to get things together with Cetelia so I'm not a hypocrite when I talk to you.

The past two weeks of marriage have been hard for the Bullards. Since Cetelia's bike accident, the days have slowed, the conversation has be on/off, and it seems like we've been more on edge with each other.

Cetelia has been thrown into a funk due to her facial scars and pain, and I haven't known how to help her. It felt like she pushed me away (she's a super introvert), so in my pride said, "Fine. Isolate. I can do it, too."

As if that weren't enough (it should have been), I've been a bonehead and started two sensitive conversations on back-to-back days ... in the morning, which is the WORST time to have a serious conversation with Cetelia.

Between the accident, her emotional state, her natural tendency to isolate, and my ignorance and poor timing; we've had some difficult marriage days.

On more than one occasion I have felt myself drifting away from Cetelia.

But ...

(Whenever you're having difficult marriage days, look for the "but." It may not always be easy to find, and honestly, you may not feel like looking for it. However, you owe it to yourself, your spouse, your family, your friends, and ultimately God to find the "but" that can help you make it through the difficulty).

I don't know what your "but" is to get through difficult marriage days. I don't know what it is that will make you keep fighting for your marriage. However, you know. Even if it's buried right now, it's still there.

I encourage you to persevere through your difficult marriage days by hanging onto that thing (or things) that make you keep loving, speaking up, and turning your heart towards your spouse.

The difficulty is real. It can be depressing, and it can be maddening.

At the same time, difficulty can be a blessing because you're forced to push past the relationship puffery and deal with real-life issues.

I'll close with a passage from the Message Bible version of James 1 --

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. (James 1:2-5)

Marriage has difficult days.

Ask God for help, and keep going.


ps - let me know if I help