Hello, .
Have you ever had difficulty talking with your mate?
Have you started talking only to be interrupted?
Have you known what you wanted to say, but made matters worse when you tried to say it?
If so, get a notebook.
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Too Busy to Connect
Three months ago I had coffee with my friend, Mike. He told me that he and his wife went through a period of busyness where they kept missing each other.
During this time, the majority of their conversation focused on bills, logistics, scheduling, and complaints about life or each other.
As you can imagine, this put a strain on their relationship. They were too busy to connect.
Mike's wife read about using a notebook to share that which was not being said or was too difficult to say. She told him about it, and he agreed to give a try.
Mike's wife wrote the first note, then left it on Mike's side of the bed for him to read. After he read her note, it was time for him to write her back, and leave it on her side of the bed.
They've been doing this for several years now, and have gone through multiple notebooks. The practice has given them a way to connect that may not have ever happened.
The KBoo/CBoo Journal
Cetelia and I have adopted this practice, and we've found it helpful to know what the other is thinking.
Sidebar: The notebook is especially helpful to me. I've learned that I discover what Cetelia is thinking at the deepest levels when she writes it down.
Some of our notes have touched on difficult things, and others have been quick notes of love.
Either way, there's always some anticipation when the notebook is sitting on my nightstand. That lets me know that CBoo wants to connect with me, KBoo.
How to make this work for your marriage
Here are some "guidelines" to consider should you use a notebook in your marriage.
- Get a nice-looking notebook. Husbands, if you're buying the notebook, make sure it's decorative (hint: avoid anything that looks like something a third grader would use for science class). A nice-looking notebook will win you points.🥇 Three months later, Cetelia still talks about how good the notebook looks as a decor piece. Thank you Five Below. 🙏🏾
- Write about whatever. Write about small things, big things, deep things, shallow things, things that are hard to say, or things that are easy to say. Note: If you wade into deep waters in your writing, you may want to keep the book away from curious eyes (e.g., kids and whomever else lives in your house).
- Don't force a response The idea is that you and your mate both write when you're personally moved to write, not when you're coerced. If it takes five weeks for you to get the notebook back, so be it. Wait patiently, and don't badger your spouse.
- Create your own guidelines. If my guidelines don't work for you, scrap 'em. Come up with whatever is going to make the notebook be a blessing [and not a burden] to your marriage.
Fieldwork:
1. Get a notebook.
2. Go crazy.
See you in a few days.
Kevin
ps - Already doing this? Reply and let me know how it has helped your marriage.
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