Hi, - take a look at this picture.

This is the John Moulton historic barn in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and is reportedly the most photographed barn in the world.

If you're thinking there's nothing special about this barn, you're right. It's just an old, wooden structure that would be overlooked if it sat anywhere else.

However, what makes this the most photographed barn in the world is what's in the background: the Grand Teton Mountains.

Moulton's barn in the foreground is real and matters, but only in relation to the background.

Finish this sentence: Marriage is ____.

Maybe you filled the blank with great, easy, blessed, or lovely. Or perhaps you used hard, difficult, terrible, or challenging,

Many times in the past, I've filled the blank with hard.

I'm sending this email to correct that.

According to Hebrews 13:4, marriage is honorable (valuable or precious).

Why does this matter?

It matters because how marriage occurs (or seems) to you has a direct correlation on what you'll do in your marriage.

Background and Foreground

It's key for you to understand that there's a background and foreground where your marriage is concerned.

The background of marriage is that it is valuable and precious.

However, we spend our time living in the foreground of marriage. That is our everyday, as-lived experience, and it tends to define everything we think, feel, and believe about marriage.

Communication breakdowns, conflict, money arguments, sexless marriages, and even infidelity are all in the foreground.

It's natural for us to look at our experience of marriage, and declare that marriage is hard, tough, disappointing, etc.

When we're laser-focused on the foreground, we totally miss the background.

Let me quickly say that your experience of marriage matters and is real.

Pain is real. Hurt is real. Anger is real. Betrayal is real. Disappointment is real.

At the same time, your experience of marriage must be viewed in relation to what God says about marriage: that it’s valuable and precious.

Why is this important?

Consider what would be possible If you and I began seeing marriage as valuable and precious (regardless of our personal experience of marriage).

How might that change how marriage occurs to us?

What impact might that have on what we do next?

Let me give you a real example from my marriage.

A few weeks ago Cetelia brought up something I said several years ago that hurt her feelings. In her mind it was connected to what we were talking about.

However, I was irritated that she brought it up seemingly out of the blue. I thought to myself, "What the heck? I don't have anything else to say to her tonight."

In the foreground for me was, "Marriage is unfair. I forgive her for stuff all the time, yet she's bringing up something from over a decade ago."

That's was my experience of marriage. That's how it seemed to me.

What I did next was leave the room without saying anything to her for a little while.

We patched things up before the night was over, but ...

What if I had seen the background sooner (marriage is valuable and precious)?

What if I had not let my experience of marriage be more important than what God says about marriage, that it is valuable and precious?

Perhaps I would have reconnected with Cetelia sooner. Perhaps I would have gotten over myself sooner.

Sure, I would have still had the experience of marriage being unfair. But, I would not have considered it to be more important or even truer than what God says about marriage.

Like me, you are always going to have your experience of marriage. That's normal, and there's nothing wrong with that.

The goal is to see your experience as the foreground, and what God says about marriage (valuable and precious) as the background: the truth, higher, dominant.

That will give you a higher, better, and more empowering place to come from when you experience difficulty in your marriage. Seeing the background will have a direct impact on what you do next.

How to Love When You Feel Like Leaving

The past several days I've been telling you about the How to Love When You Feel Like Leaving course.

It's going to be unlike any course you've ever taken. I promise you.

The course is designed to shift how you think about marriage.

You'll join with other couples just like you who are committed to marriage, yet have the experience of it being hard, difficult, or burdensome.

This course won't wipe out all the issues you face in your marriage.

But, it will reduce them, and give you a better way to see and manage the issues that arise.

The course is $1000 less than counseling, and will bring lasting benefits.

The course begins next Monday, October 3rd.

There will be lessons, audios, and videos sent out each week, and three live group coaching calls.

You will be transformed, as will your marriage.

Don't miss your opportunity to expand your view of the background of marriage. It will give you a have a proper relation to the foreground of marriage.

Kevin

ps - Due to the generosity of a Marriage Works! supporter, we have 30 partial scholarships available on a first-come, first-served basis for the How to Love When You Feel Like Leaving course. Click here to apply before they're gone.

Kevin

Partial Scholarship Application