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The last time I wrote, I mentioned how and why we reject the good we desire to from our mate.

Today I'd like to write about the lies we tell ourselves.

Truth is, we lie to ourselves all the time.

On the surface it seems like we lie to escape an inconvenience or consequence.

However, when you pull back the layers, the truth is we lie to protect ourselves from having to deal with our own junk

Here's how this works in marriage:

When we experience trouble in our marriage, it's natural to start pointing fingers at our mate as the source of the problem.

E.g., say there's a wife who continually tells herself that her husband doesn't love her, or at a minimum, she doesn't feel loved.

However, when you ask her to point to examples that prove her claim, there's no evidence.

She can tell you that her husband is speaking her love language, treating her well, helping around the house, hardworking, showing her affection, active with the kids, and going out of his way to be a great husband.

So, why does this wife tell herself that her husband doesn't love her in the face of evidence to the contrary?

It could be that the wife doesn't have much love for herself, so she's developed an immunity to receiving her husband's love. And, because it's easier to blame than it is to accept responsibility, she creates the narrative that her husband doesn't love her.

This is just one of many examples that show how easy is to lie to ourselves.

Of course, the problem is that we do a disservice to our mate, marriage, and ultimately ourselves.

Please use this email as a catalyst to examine where and how you might be lying to yourself. The lies you tell will keep you from dealing with baggage from the past and the present junk.

If necessary, connect with a coach or therapist so you can start to unwind the web of untruths you're believing.

The result will be a better you, which will lead to a better marriage.