Dear -

You may have seen today that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen finally made their divorce official. It had been rumored for weeks, so I'm not sure it took anyone by surprise.

Still, something from the story stood out to me: they declared their marriage irretrievably broken.

According to one law firm, when spouses claim their marriage is irretrievably broken, it means nothing can be done to fix the relationship.*

Nothing as in no counseling, no mediation, no time apart, no hard work, no therapy, no intervention, no prayer or anything at all can be done to salvage the relationship.

Said another way, it's beyond all hope or help.

I don't know anything about Tom or Gisele nor what they tried to save their relationship. As such, I have nothing to say about their claim.

Instead, I'll speak to you about your marriage.

I don't know you, and I don't know what you've tried. Maybe you have tried everything. I don't know.

Either way, I encourage you to do the following exercise:

1. Make a list of everything you have tried. (Note: this is not everything you and your mate have tried. Rather everything you have tried).

2. Write down what you have not tried. (Note: this list will be much harder to write because it will require you to write down things you may not want to try, and that's okay. I'm not asking you to try them, only to list them.)

3. Write down who you need to be should you attempt the items you listed in #2. (E.g., I need to be forgiving or I need to be courageous or I need to be hopeful or I need to be honest or I need to be open to correction, etc.)

The point of this exercise is two-fold: 1) to get you to see what you have / have not tried to repair your marriage, and 2) to get you to think about who you're being as you try to repair your marriage.

Why? Because what you do is usually effective or ineffective based on WHO you're being when you do it.

Have a great weekend -

Kevin

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* Donna Hung Law Group. (n.d.). What does it mean a marriage is irretrievably broken?: Orlando Divorce Lawyers. Donna Hung Law Group. Retrieved October 28, 2022, from https://www.donnahunglaw.com/what-does-it-mean-a-marriage-is-irretrievably-broken/