I Can't Breathe

Sep 09, 2020 3:06 pm


Read Time: 1 min, 40 secs

Over the past few years, and especially this summer, the phrase "I Can't Breathe" has been associated with the deaths of Eric Garner and George Floyd.

Could it be that your spouse is speaking that phrase to you due to you being controlling and overbearing?

Amy, a wife doing the challenge, sent me this message:

My husband is an alcoholic. Previously I would try to protect my husband...so much so that I would control and the end result was me suffocating him and making myself miserable in the process. Through Al-anon, therapy and working on me I have found that me staying in my lane relieves me the burden that isn’t mine to carry. I am loving my husband through everything.

How powerful!

There are four points I'd like to highlight:

  1. Amy suffocated her husband when she tried to control things
  2. She made herself miserable
  3. Staying in her lane relieved Amy of a burden that wasn't hers
  4. Amy's loving her husband through everything

If you've ever tried to control your spouse, you know what #1 and #2 are like.

Your spouse eventually gets to the point where he/she doesn't want you around because you're a royal pain in the ... 

Additionally, you increasingly feel worse because your spouse isn't bending to your will (at least not with a good attitude).

While you may want what's best for your mate, your actions don't convey your care.

If you've gotten to #3 (staying in your lane), you've noticed the relief that comes with not having to be the puppet master and pull the strings controlling your spouse.

Even though you may have relief from staying in your lane, you could still feel anxiety, anger, confusion, bitterness, and angst over your spouse's decisions and behaviors [that you cannot control].

That's where #4 is so helpful: loving through everything.

Not easy. Not fun. Not for the faint of heart.

BUT, we're told that God's love has been poured out in our heart by the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:5). We have God's love in our heart to love our mate through everything.

I don't write these words flippantly.

I'm currently loving my wife through a situation I cannot control, and it doesn't feel good.

I go through my range of emotions, which is normal, but I have to keep coming back to what Amy wrote.

Re-read 1 through 4 above, and mediate on them (I am).

You're one step away from making your marriage work. Take it.

See you tomorrow - 


ps - What's your reaction to this email? Reply and let me know. I read each message.

pss - Know someone who would benefit from this email? Forward this message and/or send them to http://marriage.works/inspiration