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Happy Saturday!

I received some good feedback yesterday from the message about kissing

Here's some of it:

My reaction to this email was “hmm”. I never looked at it like this before but thinking back, you’re right! Every relationship that ended always had the “no kiss” sign. I just didn’t really pay any attention to it! This was a lightbulb moment! Thanks for the insight! (Sarah)

Jennifer and I have this habit of trying to make sure we kiss each other when we enter and leave each other's presence. Can't remember where we learned it, but it has become a habit over the years. Just this morning she was leaving for the gym, didn't kiss me, and I said "oh really!", and she came back and kissed me LOL. (Dave)

My husband, believe it or not, is more so focused on how often we kiss. And now receiving this email is making me re-evaluate how frequent he and I “smootch.” We’re coming upon our 6 year wedding anniversary on 9/20, so this is a topic that will be addressed and implemented. (Savannah)

I want to spend a a minute talking about Savannah's comments.

Are you (or your spouse) less interested in kissing or other forms of physical touch?

Mine is. 

You see, Cetelia grew up in a home that was not big on affection. She lived with her grandparents, and they just weren't big on hugging, kissing, or showing other forms of physical touch in the home. So, while she's not anti-kissing, it's just not top-of-mind for her like it is with me. 

She's not wrong -- she's just living what she's experienced.

This is a family of origin issue.

Family of origin refers to the significant caretakers and siblings a person grew up with, or the first social first social group they belonged to, which is often a person's biological family or an adoptive family. Our early experiences have a major influence on how we see ourselves, others and the world and how we cope and function in our daily lives. ⨺

I'm hopeful you can see that there can be a direct link between how your spouse grew up, and how he/she feels about kissing. Of course, it could also be some other life experience that's influencing how your mate feels about kissing.

So, even after you've brushed your teeth and drank half a bottle of Scope, your mate still may not be into kissing.

Instead of taking this as a sign of rejection (been there, done that), explore what's really behind the missing kissing.

For example ...

• Is there a problem in the relationship or is it a family of origin issue?

• Is it a hygiene problem or is it a timing issue?

• Is it seasonal or is it chronic?

There's always a reason behind missing kissing.

Be courageous and work with your mate, a coach, therapist, or a pastor to discover what's really going on.

You're one discovery away from making your marriage work. Go for it.

Kevin

ps - Let me know what thoughts this email provoked in your mind. I read every reply.

⨺ http://www.strongbonds.jss.org.au/workers/professional/origin.html