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Dear Husbands,

I write this letter on behalf of your wife.

She thought about telling you what I'm about to say, but she figured it might be better if you heard it from a dude so you wouldn't roll your eyes and think she was nagging (brilliant move!)

Men, we're given a command in First Peter that seems pretty simple at first glance. 

But, when we actually try to do it, dude, it's hard.

Peter wrote, "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way."

There's more to the verse, but I want to concentrate on this one thing: understanding.

Now, men, if you're like me, you've thought more than once that you could spend the rest of your life with your wife, and you'll never figure her out.

I was talking to a husband a couple of days ago, and we were saying that just when we think we've got it figured out, we realize we don't. 

I know, that can be frustrating. 

It can be humiliating.

It can be demoralizing and make you want to give up trying.

But, we've been given a command. So, let me see if I can help us.

I've not fully cracked the case on knowing how wives think and what they want, but I do know this beyond all doubt: they want to feel loved. 

I'm a genius, right? Yeah, I know.

Of course, you already know that. 

But, something's misfiring because you try to love, but you still wind up messing things up with her (I feel your pain).

So, let's go deeper.

Wives want to feel loved because it makes them feel secure.

I'm treading in Captain Obvious territory now, I know.

But, let's go one level deeper.

Wives want to feel loved because it makes them feel secure. AND, when they feel secure, they feel connected to you.

That's the secret sauce, boys.

Your wife wants to feel like she's connected to you.

Let me give you an illustration.

Have you ever gotten one of those magnetic phone holders for your car? 

Inside there's always a long, rectangular magnet that for some strange reason doesn't do jack.

It's weird. I mean, it 👏🏾 does 👏🏾 nothing 👏🏾 at 👏🏾 all.

I have a collection of them around the house because they won't stick to anything.

I hold them up to another magnet, and nothing.

It's as if I'm holding a piece of wood up to magnet. 

There's no connection.

That's how our wives feel when there's insecurity in the marriage. 

That's how our wives feel when the "feeling" of love is threatened.

That's how our wives feel with there's even a suspicion of emotional of physical infidelity.

There's no connection. 

There's nothing magnetic drawing them to us, thereby making them feel loved, secure, and connected.

That, men, is what we have to understand.

It's true that we're never gonna completely understand the woman in our life. And, you know, that may be okay.

There's something about a mysterious woman that keeps us hungry, right?

But, there is one thing that we can understand: a wife who feels disconnected is going to feel insecure, which in turn will make her feel unloved.

That's it. 

It looks and feels like she doesn't feel loved, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to love her.

Then, it will look and feel like she's insecure, so you'll do everything in your might to give her security.

But, if you don't address the disconnection, all the other stuff won't matter.

That's what you need to understand to make your marriage work.

Kevin

ps - In the previous email I thanked Cetelia for appreciating my efforts. In this email, I need to apologize for all the times I was a magnet to her wood. Help me do better, Jesus.

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