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I saw a TikTok the other day that really stressed me out.

(I've been posting a few videos a week over there, if you want to check it out. Username is @theMarisaMohi, naturally.)

If you haven't been on TikTok, it's a really interesting platform in that the content you get shown is super tailored to who you are. The algorithm learns what you like, and it keeps showing you that. So, if you're concerned that it's just a bunch of teens dancing or vandalizing school property, I haven't seen any of that.

But what I do see is a ton of writers, witches, and ADHD advocates sharing little gems. Also pickles. There are a lot of pickles. There's a corner of TikTok I call PickleTok. That's why I have a jar of ranch pickle spears in my fridge. (Try it. Pour in the mix and let it sit for 24 hours. These pickles are TRANSCENDENT.) Chris and I had this dill pickle dip for movie night last night. Also, this pickle beer isn't that bad.

(Please note that it isn't good either.)

Anyway, I didn't mean to natter on about pickles. I wanted to talk about ADHD stuff.

If you are a weird woman in her thirties, chances are you have seen the slew of news stories all about women getting diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. I won't go too deep into it, but the gist is that because young girls with ADHD were quieter than boys with ADHD, it was just assumed that they didn't have it. But it turns out that brain chemical stuff manifest differently in people with different hormones.

Which seems so obvious, but tell that to the medical professionals who only test medications on men and misdiagnose an alarming rate of heart attacks in women.

Anyway, I saw this TikTok the other day, and it hit me in the gut. I've been feeling that way for a long time. I'm sure some of it is the pandemic, but I've also been burnt out since high school. And I've been struggling with productivity lately, and just acknowledging that maybe I'll never get the same amount of stuff done again is heartbreaking.

I feel so tired all the time. Like there's static in my brain on some days.

I don't know if I have ADHD. I spend hours dissociating, I hyper fixate like nobody's business, and I struggle to make eye contact with people IRL or even on Zoom. I'm sure I could get an ADHD diagnosis, but shit. Do you understand how little executive function I have around scheduling appointments and navigating healthcare provider websites?

All this is to say that I'm learning my new capacity for work, and it's such a frustrating experience. Long gone are the days when I could just keep pushing myself and let my body process the stress of it all in the form of night terrors I had while I slept.

But I'm hopeful. I outlined a novel this past week. It will be part of a boxed set that's coming out next summer, and I'm really excited about it.

And I also got the urge to get back on YouTube. I know it's been like five months since I've posted there, but I'm ready to get back in the proverbial saddle. So, I'm making a list of shorter videos I want to make, and I'll start filming now for Vlogmas 2021. I think that will be a fun way to get back to the video grind.

So, last week when I teased some giveaways, know that they'll be happening in conjunction with Vlogmas, and not NaNoWriMo as I previously stated. I need a bit more time to get the bits and pieces together, as well as to get the actual prizes sorted.

But if you're interested in winning some planners, journals, or fiction books, make sure you're subscribed to my YouTube channel. I'll be sharing information about specific prizes there, and you'll get to see what the prizes actually look like. I'll also share the links to the giveaways here, of course.

And before I let you go, make sure you grab these free reads:

Grab a copy of this while it's on sale:

And get some more free reads in the genre-bending fantasy giveaway!

Thanks for letting me invade your inbox! 

Marisa 

MarisaMohi.com

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