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I'm writing this on the heels of finishing the latest episode of Ted Lasso, and without giving any spoilers to those who watch the show later, it got me to thinking about crazymakers.

If you've ever made your way through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, then you're familiar with the concept. But if not, here's a quick and dirty explanation:

Crazymakers are the sort of people who show up when you have an opportunity to prove yourself or do what you're born to do, and they ruin it for you.

Like the friend who calls you at 11 PM the night before an 8 AM job interview with a crisis that you've seen them go through more times than you can count.

Like the romantic partner who wants you to drop everything to stay with them overnight, even though they know you've already got plans, and you're more than a few hours away.

Like the coworker who just waits for you to walk into the office so they can recite a damn laundry list of things they're fired up about, just to guarantee you'll start your day on the wrong foot.

There are so many crazymakers out there, gang.

Also, I am not so self-unaware to not acknowledge that I may be a crazymaker for some folks. I do like to think that I'm getting better as I age. But also, I know that I do have a proclivity for chaos.

Anyway, one of the reasons I bring this up is to just say that you can control some of your crazymakers. There are some folks I don't hang out with often. Maybe I'm a jerk, but also, I have enough crazy in my life without folks bringing in more.

And another reason I bring this up is because damn, y'all. There are a lot of non-human crazymakers out there too. Like the transdimensional warlock who cursed the house I recently moved into.

(I know that warlocks in this universe are human. Like Brian the warlock I met once at a metaphysical shop. He was very nice and shared a story about the ghost of a buffalo who haunted an antique store. He also told me that I was an Egyptian priest several past lives ago, and that my partner, Chris, hears ghosts.)

(This was news to the both of us. Though, Chris will just say "what?" on occasion from the other room, even though no one said anything. So maybe Brian the warlock knows what's up.)

I do not wish to slander Brian the warlock in this letter. I do, however, wish to slander the inhuman transdimensional warlock who cursed my home.

Here's what you need to know:

When we moved in, our dog found what appeared to be a hockey puck in the flower bed. But upon closer inspection, we realized it was a bundle of petrified/mummified bunnies.

Upon figuring that out, I literally said, "This is the sort of thing the protagonists find in their new house in a horror movie." I like to think that I wouldn't purchase a haunted/cursed home, but in this economy? In this housing market? I would pay $15k above asking price for a shack riddled with ghouls and a chainsaw-wielding murderer in the front yard.

So I shook it off.

Until I found the rotten human tooth in the medicine cabinet.

I mean, we're still in the new house. You don't give up built-in bookcases for anything, fam. But the rotten tooth did make my skin crawl.

But that's when I realized that this house was probably cursed. And that's fine. I do feel like I have seen enough horror movies to banish whatever malevolent spirits the transdimensional warlock placed in my home. But I should've done it before Friday, instead of waiting until this weekend.

Because on Friday, we were supposed to get our fridge delivered. And we did. It's sitting in our kitchen right now. But it's not plugged in. And that's because after trying to install it for 2 hours, the technicians from Lowe's declared it completely defective. The freezer won't close unless you take the hinge screws out, and the water dispenser does not dispense.

So, we should be getting a new fridge on Tuesday, and our new old defective fridge will be hauled off then too.

Do I have proof that a transdimensional warlock did this?

No.

Do I need proof?

Nah. Because I can feel it. I just know.

So, this is all to say that perhaps there is a transdimensional warlock in your life who thwarts your best plans and tries to prevent you from getting a refrigerator during some very intense supply chain disruptions. Maybe he's mummifying bunnies in your backyard.

Check your medicine cabinets. Is there a rotten tooth in there?

(I will be starting a Change.org petition to get folks to start using the phrase "rotten tooth in the medicine cabinet" as a metaphor for when you feel like the universe is against you.)

Anyway. All that is to say that eventually, I will get back to making online content and writing stuff and doing things.

Until then, I'll be trundling about my house with various herbs and crystals to expel this damn crazymaking warlock.

(Not Brian the warlock. He's cool. I mean, I will expel him if he just shows up and just doesn't leave. But like, that's probably not going to happen.)

Thanks for letting me invade your inbox! 

Marisa 

MarisaMohi.com

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