Did Stranger Things Call You Out Too?

Jun 04, 2022 12:01 pm

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Before I confess what an old fuddy-duddy I am, I wanted to let you know that I recently recorded a podcast episode, so keep an eye out for The Writing Sparrow. And of course, I'll share it here when it's officially up.

Okay. Now let's talk about how friggin' old I am.

And know that there is a very mild spoiler for an image in a scene from episode 5 of season 4 of Stranger Things. No plot information, but I will mention something that you see on screen. Then I'll rant like a madwoman about stuff unrelated to the show, which I assume is why you subscribed in the first place--for wild tangents and nonsensical chaos!

You have been warned. Scroll down to the bottom for tons of free and cheap ebooks if you want to avoid knowing about a scene that I'm pretty sure has been a gif all over social media by now.

Okay. So.

There's a scene in the latest season of Stranger Things where the gang goes to a very old, boarded up house and they want to get inside. Robin picks up a brick, says she "found a key," and then tosses it into a stained glass window.

Now, please know there was a time when I would've gleefully cheered as a brick was tossed through a window. I once was a kid who just wanted to watch the world burn.

But now, I'm old and I mourn the loss of original architecture and historical charm. I live in a city where all the cute old houses on the market are getting snatched up by out-of-state property management companies and half-ass house flippers.

The property management companies are leaving houses empty or turning them into overpriced rentals, and the half-ass house flippers are destroying any character and charm of older houses by slapping on a coat of white paint, ignoring building codes, and trying to imitate an episode of Fixer Upper even though NOT EVERY HOUSE NEEDS TO MEET THAT MODERN FARMHOUSE AESTHETIC OH MY GOD.

Isn't it weird that this is the fuckery that's driving up the cost of housing right now? Unethical business practices and shitty workmanship...

So, as I was watching that particular episode of Stranger Things, a show that is not even remotely about real estate or home improvement, I couldn't help but think that those characters would come to regret it in the future.

(I know the characters aren't real people. But follow me on this one.)

Will the children of the Hawkins, Indiana of 1985 regret breaking a pretty stained glass window when 40 years down the road, as they are looking to purchase a house in their hometown, they are met with nothing but white-painted brick and faux shiplap in every room?

(Please know that I don't particularly know or care about home design style choices, nor is this email meant to be an indictment of an aesthetic. I mostly care about a whole generation of people who probably won't get to own homes and taste that part of the American dream because everyone and their brother has decided they want to be a landlord house flipper for some reason.)

Anyway. I guess I'm old now because I care about stained glass windows A LOT. Like, I want one so bad in my home. (Did you know you can get stained glass window making kits online for less than $1000?) You know, there was a time not too long ago where houses didn't all look the same...

(She typed from her house in the suburbs with the two-car garage and Corian countertops.)

Apparently my willful suspension of disbelief now ends at the destruction of historical details on a lovely Victorian house. If you need me, I'll be sipping herbal tea and telling youngsters about rotary phones and how in the 1990s, you could pull up to someone at a stoplight and ask them for mustard.