Hey ,

We’ve been speaking a bit about boundaries. One way to look at the boundaries in your life is to examine your life as if you were going to purchase a new piece of property.

What would you do first? You examine the lay of the land – what is the view that it gives you? Do you like that particular view or is it too depressing or closed. How do you feel when you are on the property? Do you feel a sense of gratitude, happiness, like home? Or do you feel heavy and closed off? Is the land flat, or rocky or sandy? Will the land provide a good foundation on which you can build?

Then you want to see if the title is clear.

And having looked at all these considerations, you go in and put down the pegs that mark your boundary lines.

Your life is the same. The boundary lines in your life are invisible surveyor’s pegs that tell people where they can or cannot go. Here is a quick checklist to see if your boundaries are intact.

Answer with: 1—Not so much 2—Could be better 3—Got it! N/A

• I consistently speak up about my thoughts, feelings and needs.
• I set healthy boundaries on my time, resources and availability.
• I am comfortable receiving compliments and gifts from others.
• I consistently take care of my mental health needs.
• I use alcohol and other substances in moderation or not at all.
• I have no problem with compulsive behaviors, i.e. gambling, eating.
• I have good coping and self-soothing skills - I can manage my moods.
• I have a realistic perception of my body;
• I accept the good and bad.
• I only use food for nutrition and sustenance - no self-medication.
• I have a healthy sense of interdependence, not too dependent or aloof.

Scoring: Highlight the statements you rated as 1 or 2. These are the areas that most need immediate attention.

How did you do?

Remember that the boundaries that you establish teach others how to treat you. What behaviors do you tolerate or not?

Establishing clear and firm boundary lines in your life help send the message that I am OK. I am independent. I am strong. Don’t cross that line. My no means NO. Stop pushing me.

What messages are you sending out?

Holding you safe,

Reminding you that you are awesome.

Dr. Sandra Hamilton

The Confidence Builder