Dear humans,

I had to wait until the female left the building to use the 'dirty words' in today's email. Those dirty words are 'owed taxes' and 'estimated quarterly taxes.' Yeah. They're really dirty words.

The female loves her fans for buying enough of her books she owed five figures in taxes to the government, but she really hated cutting those checks yesterday. She escorted all but one to the mail box. The last one will be escorted to the mail box on June 1. That will not be a good day.

She wanted to stab things yesterday. Taxes are scary. She stabbed hardboiled eggs. She took frightening delight in shattering their fragile little shells.

The humans had deviled eggs for supper. We found their choice of food to be highly offense.

So, I have a funny story for you.

The female, after helping me type yesterday's missive, promptly entered 'Saturday' mode and did all of her Saturday things, including when she took a bath, planning her evening reading activities, and so on.

At 10 or so PM, she can't comprehend why her male was cranky about the time. (Note: the male was living on Sunday time.)

He finally looks at her oddly, and she says, "It's Sunday, isn't it." Not a question. A sad little statement full of self-loathing.

I thought it was funny.

He replied, "It is really Sunday."

The female then belts out, "FUCK!!!!!" for the entire neighborhood to hear.

Good times were had by everyone except the female.

She went to bed to read and then she slept, and then she was late getting out of bed this morning. Nobody is surprised by this. Coffee is not sufficient to make her functional, but she's less likely to murder someone without it this morning.

Wattpad sent her a note that reads as follows, which has tripped her trigger:

"Our policy is to respond to the valid notices of alleged copyright infringement we receive by expeditiously removing or disabling access to the allegedly infringing material and terminating users, when appropriate, according to our Repeat Infringer Policy.

We have received your notice and promptly disabled access to the content. If Wattpad receives a valid counter-notice from this user, the material may be restored to our service unless you notify us in accordance with DMCA’s requirements that you have sought a court order against the uploader."

The female replied if they accept a so-called 'valid' counter-notice, it's illegal, and she would be filing a court notice and suit against Wattpad for accepting something illegal. She was not happy with that response this morning.

As part of DCMA filings, the female is required to prove she owns the product and that she has legal rights to send notices.

Welcome to the female's life. We wish people would stop stealing stuff that doesn't belong to them.

We also have this desire to burn Wattpad to the ground this morning.

Please enjoy this picture of me napping. I am very talented at napping.

Bonds is headed to Mass Market edition. The female is going on a quest to have libraries start picking up her titles.

Should you be interested in aiding the female on her quest, please contact your local library requesting books.

Here are some good titles to ask for: Blood Bound (RJ Blain), Bonds (Susan Copperfield), and The House Lost at Sea (RJ Blain); these are all newer releases. You can also ask if they can stock "earlier titles." Email in, and request from the digital library--and have them teach you how to make use of it! You can read library books on your kindle and most other e-readers. Just ask them how it's done, and they'll hook you up.

The female is starting to try to do outreach to libraries directly for print editions, but we won't see how that experiment works until later.

Have a good day, humans!