Dear humans,

I fear the female has become a zombie. Something work-related has required the male creature to be up earlier than any critter in this household likes for a Saturday. That means before 8 AM. Way before 8 AM. This is so wrong.

The date is April 18, 2020, it is a Saturday, and we are not convinced the male will survive to see April 19, 2020.

So, for the authors or those interested in writing, an online workshop is starting (via live stream) in about an hour. Tickets are complimentary, so if you want to watch the female make a fool of herself on the internet, swing by this link. She starts at 2 Pacific time.

I can't come up with anything funnier than yesterday's Pepto and Sparkling Water incident, so we of the Furred & Finned Management are sharing the female's accounting of this absolutely fucking hilarious event:

"Apparently, Pepto swallowable pills and bubly sparkling water have an immediate coke-and-menthos reaction. I became the Rabid Becna of Cupertino for a moment before I reactively swallowed to make that nonsense stop.

Of course, my bubbly water and pepto rabidity combo continued to dance in my stomach, creating a hectic belching situation.

And yes I checked, NOTHING on that label said anything about not using sparkling water with those pills. It didn't specify anything other than "water."

I told my husband, and he just grinned.

I am now the belch machine.

Which is not helping my super cranky tummy at all, but on the other hand, hey... guess which bitch can belch the alphabet? This bitch! This bitch can belch the alphabet.

From the department of "Let's not fucking do that again ever.""

As you can see, the female thinks she is funny.

In other news, we have over 300 letters and postcards to send. We're super happy about this. Everybody is getting a postcard who fills out the form, and there will be cards and letters, too. So, basically, everyone will be getting two things.

For those who want to help the female try to get USA Today on Grave Humor, there is a form for that, too, with ways you can help. People who go above and beyond will be receiving a thank you note, and some packages will be randomly selected to go out. (It will be very literally randomly selected. She will be rolling dice.)

If you don't use social media, and you want to help, the easiest way is to preorder a second copy on Barnes & Nobles, Kobo US, or Apple US. (Please note that for purposes of USA Today, it must be in the US stores. Don't feel badly if you can't purchase from the US stores, please. You're still loved!)

Google Play does not report to USA Today, for those of you who are curious.

So, if you share/coerce a friend into preordering a copy, or if you preorder a second copy at a different vendor, please pop over to that link. It's the honor system, so if you say you did extra, you are believed and will receive a card or package.

This is also a part of the 'help save the USPS through buying stamps' initiative. (The female REALLY wants to be able to keep doing giveaways. She cannot should the USPS become privatized.)

The female had to order 400 new stamps yesterday because she didn't have enough. This makes her so happy.

Thanks to everyone wanting cards, letters, and postcards, she has give then USPS over $600 for stamps.

She doesn't have enough stamps and will have to order more in the next few days. HOORAY!

And yes, she will continue doing this until she has no more advertising budget to do this with, because this is important to her--and readers deserve something to look forward to right now.

While the form linked above is part of a group effort in The Fantasy Worlds of RJ Blain, you all are being invited to come play, too, since some of you don't use facebook. (Any social media, or even just hustling to your friends and family locally, all count towards this.)

If you missed the chance to get a postcard and letter or card from the female, here is the form. Please sign up. Everyone is welcome.

Your information will only be kept until she has mailed everyone's cards out, after which the form/answers will be deleted and she'll make a new one for the new batch.

Please note the postcards will not be available anywhere other than through one of these forms.

Thank you for listening to all of that. It's appreciated.

Here is a picture of me snoozing on the female last night. She was warm, comfy, and a safe place for me to nap.