I discovered Morgan Harper Nichols’ work many years ago. I‘ve not been able to read her books yet—the joys of living in a place that isn’t English 😉—but I’ve read what she’s shared on Instagram. And there’s one specific piece of hers that’s echoed in my mind this week.
Let July be July. Let August be August.
And let yourself just be even in the uncertainty.
You don’t have to fix everything.
You don’t have to solve everything.
And you can still find peace
and grow
in the wild
of changing things
©️MHN
I’ve always found August a difficult month. Part of it is just the grief of knowing time has passed... somehow, summer’s end elicits a much more poignant “another year gone” emotion than New Year does. E.B. White’s passages in Charlotte’s Web about the crickets spreading “the rumour of sadness and change” puts into beautiful words how late August feels to me.
But there’s also the looming autumn that chills me. Seasonal depression gibbers at me from over the horizon. 5 or 6 months of snow and cold, death and decay, advancing implacably towards me. There’s only so much aesthetic reels and Christmas music can do to soften the impending blow.
And lately, I’ve realized there’s also the dread of returning school. After the bad experiences of the last few years, my body is categorizing school as a level 9 problem on the 1–10 scale. There’s also all the bitter uncertainty of what’s next—if I fail my exams... if the school I want doesn’t accept me... if the classes don’t open until months after I’m ready... if training takes more than one year... if— Actually, I don’t want to think of any more 🤪