Hi all, hope you're well.

If you've seen the title of this week's email, you know you're in for a big one!

So before we dive in, I thought I'd give you another bit of value, in case the second half isn't for you.

Floss is boss.

I've never liked flossing, and that's mainly because it's so hard to get the reach, to stop the floss slipping, and I don't like wasting the string after each use.

I found this device on Amazon (see photo) and it's a real game changer.

You wrap the floss around it, and can get it in and around so much better.

No affiliation, I just thought there's probably other un-flossed teeth connected to the eyes of this mailing list...

Anyway, to the porn...

I've been meaning to write this for a while, and have been putting it off since it's a big subject and I hoped to:

a) Build trust with you.

b) Continue to build a wider follower base before sharing.

This might read a little crude in places so please read at your own risk.

If you wish to remain under an illusion, stop here.

Due to the depth and volume of this question, this email is going to cover the first of two parts:

1. The case against using sites like PornHub, YouPorn etc.
2. The case against habitual recreational masturbation (is there a less sexy three word string?)

And look, before we go any further:

• I'm writing this purely from an analytical, data-led position
• Think of an overweight scientist writing about obesity -> It's about the science, not the individual writing it.
• Like everything humans BEING does, it's helping bring default (unconscious) decisions to life so we can live a life of design - with whatever you choose.

1. The case against using sites like PornHub.

This is, actually, the easier one of the two sections to write.

It's probably something you've never questioned, which is why I'm starting with it.

Perhaps you use these sites, perhaps you don't.

Perhaps your partner, your son, your grandmother does.

Either way, you can't live an intentional life without information about reality.

Because Porn is the internet's dirty little secret.

To quote the musical: Avenue Q's song "The internet is really just for porn"...

The data seems to agree: A conservative global estimate is that porn makes up a quarter of all web traffic.

Yet, these companies lurk silently, all privately owned - meaning they don't have to:

• Disclose their financial statements,
• Comply with ESG rules,
• Hold up to the same public scrutiny.

And the public really should be scrutinising them.

I'm going to pick on PornHub, since they're one of the largest companies - and have been the most publicly involved in scandal.

I wasn't aware of any of this, until I found this excellent podcast by Modern Wisdom: Laila Mickelwait: How Pornhub Became the Internet's Biggest Crime Scene.

Here're a few key takeaways about Pornhub you might not realise:

• Anyone can upload a video, without any suitable verification - meaning illegal videos can, and are, being uploaded every second of every day.

• Geography has no bounds online. Meaning that sexual crimes committed in any one of the hundreds of countries can easily be watched by children as young as 10 from their bedroom in Surrey.

• Whilst some videos might be 'legal', many are not, and involve non-consent, violence, underage/trafficked sex workers, and a range of other crimes.

• Like anything on the internet, when anything is uploaded there, even if it's taken down, other people can infinitely upload it again.

• The people in the videos have no rights if they ask for videos to be removed, whether they ever allowed for them to be uploaded in the first place.

• Someone's worst day can be immortalised forever. For someone else's profit. And many other's enjoyment.

• When the banks were pressured into detaching themselves from the site (around 2020), they demanded that the site remove any video they could not prove was legal. This led to PornHub removing 91% of their content.

But did you see any news about this? I certainly didn't.

Yet, everyone's seen Beckham's son talking about emotional distress in the last 48 hours...

Which is the bigger story?

91%... of all content.

How does that sit with you?

Don't just brush past that number. Notice where your mind goes.

A few thoughts about how porn may influence human behaviour:

We tend to copy what we see. We’re social animals... Primates with iPhones.

For most people, early exposure to porn is driven by novelty. You have carte blanche of everything you could possibly want.

But novelty doesn’t stay novel for long. Like most forms of stimulation, humans normalise, and are pulled towards something new, different, more intense.

Online, there’s no natural limit to novelty escalation.

Thousands of creators compete for attention, each trying to stand out with new stories, scenarios, aesthetics, and experiences. The sheer volume is impossible to quantify.

As a result, the average 18-year-old virgin with Wifi has likely 'experienced' more hyper-sexual scenarios, each with impossibly attractive actors, than a Roman King might have encountered in a lifetime.

Porn normalises and encourages a rigid and unrealistic structure of sexual gratification. A one-way, skippable, unrealistic, and limitless experience. A reward without an action.

And as technology allows content to become more immersive, more interactive, better quality, the boundary between 'watching a sexual performance' and 'feeling part of a sexual experience' blur.

For those in a relationship, this might quietly question the expectations and behaviour of each partner.

The result might be: both parties reporting a distance.

• Porn viewers may detach and fail to enjoy their real sexual encounters, requiring more rigid, specific or niche experiences
• The partners might feel they're competing with impossible expectations, standards, variety whilst battling their own self-confidence.

At a cultural level, we celebrate a small number of stars who’ve successfully commercialised something deeply private and personal.

But, what’s far less visible are the wider consequences that sit under the tip of the iceberg – the vast scale, the incentives, and the human costs that have been swept under the rug.

So.

What to do with this information...

That's totally up to you.

You probably have some questions, for me or yourself.

I'm going to write out some suspected pushback, FAQ style.

1. But everyone watches it and I've always used these sites. If I stop, these videos will still be here, so I may as well make the most of it and not change.

A: Not true. These sites make money (hundreds of millions) through adverts and subscriptions. The loss of viewers = less money. The same arguments have been disproven for cutting down on plastic bags, voting or flying less. Individual actions matter.

2. I'm not responsible for the criminal videos. I watch 'normal' videos of professionals just trying to earn a living.

A: Maybe true. But you're assuming that those involved are above the legal age, consenting and have all their rights and privileges. The sites DO NOT care.

Secondly, outside of porn, people expect a certain level of responsibility and morality for companies they support. Take the 30% market drop in VW after consumers found they cheated their emissions. Consumers expect better things of companies.

3. These sites have changed. I now have to show ID to prove I'm of age to access. So I'd expect that to be the same for those in the videos.

A: Verification at the door in some geographies doesn't fix what's happening behind the scenes, across the globe.

Until these sites prevent uploading after verification - rather than reactively removing offensive videos (sometimes year's later), the problem isn't sorted.

Or, one I heard recently, that's a little more human:

4. I'm 'too far gone'. I think I'm addicted to these sites and can't cope without the 'release' they give me.

A: This is part of the more complex issue, and stay tuned for next week's email about the 'release'.

Every addiction should be treated similarly, with compassion - and understanding the void that an addiction fills is the first priority...

But note: Organic, free range, grassfed quality alternatives to porn are available - such as written or audio equivalents.

Reminder. If any of this feels uncomfortable, that’s not a signal you’re ‘wrong’ – it’s usually a sign that something habitual is being looked at consciously for the first time. Growth requires discomfort.

To wrap this up. Here's three questions for you to question:

1. "One in Seven 9-12 year olds said that they had shared a nude image or video of themselves" - is this statistic inevitable with the invention of smartphones? Or has it stemmed from the discreet but prevalent normalisation of pornography in our society?

2. If a more well-known site (ie. Instagram) announced that 91% of it's content was illegal and had to be removed, would you delete your account tomorrow and never sign up again? Would you let your friends and family continue?

3. How do you, honestly, feel using these sites - before, during and after?

**********************************

Just to reiterate.

I don't know you, my Dear Reader.

Your life choices are yours and only yours.

But porn might be one of the most 'default' decisions you're making on a daily/weekly basis. Hence why I've had to write about them.

Caged eggs taste just the same until you know where they're from.

But once you bite the apple, open the box, turn on the light - you're not the same person, and you must decide who you are by what you do (or don't do).

Stay tune for part two - next Friday.

🚨And PS, if you think a friend might value this email, please forward it to them and encourage them to sign up.

I enjoy writing these but want to ensure they impact as many people as they can, for the better.

Cheers

Live by design, not default.

James - humans BEING

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Disclaimer:The information I share is for education and general interest only. It is not medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or a substitute for professional care. Please do not start or stop any medication or supplement without guidance from a qualified health professional who knows your personal history.

The views expressed are my own, based on sources available at the time of writing. Logos, images, and short excerpts may appear for identification, critique, or educational purposes; all trademarks and copyrights remain with their owners. I aim to be accurate, and if you believe something here is incorrect, please let me know so I can review and, if needed, correct it.

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