Why are you going it alone?

Hi hi hi, how's it going ?

Last month, I got back from running 230km in Kenya across 5 days.

It reinforced a lesson I've been slowly learning over the last decade.

Whilst I turned up to this race on my own, I didn't want to run it like that.

I made a wonderful friend - James (above) and we ran 3.5 of the 5 days together.

We could have run our own races, but we were pretty equal in terms of pace and I was committed to running with someone.

I used to think quite differently.

I got properly into running after my brain injury on the tail end of 2018.

My brain was recovering really slow = frustrating.
But my body was raring to go = groovy.

Running became an outlet for my 'recovery'.

But once I'd recovered a little and moved back to uni, my friends had graduated and gone.

I was in my lonely chapter.
It was just me. In my own flat. Struggling and recovering.

Running was a great excuse to get outside.

But basically 100% of my running was on my own.

I was training for my first ultramarathon.

Don't get me wrong, I mostly liked the runs.

But it was hard.
-Physically, it was hard to motivate myself to continue.
-Mentally, it was hard to get myself out the door, to do another run.

If I met that version of me now, this is all I'd ask:

"Why the f@@k are you going it alone?"

And I'd not just be talking about running.

I was doing everything on my own, and it wasn't fun. I just didn't know there was another way...

James and I discussed why we found the run so enjoyable, compared to others.

But I don't think it was due to our fitness. The main difference was that we never ran alone.

And we did a lot of thinking as to why it was so much easier this way. Here are three:

Motivation: Usually, this is all on you. Yet when you've got someone else to support, and them to support you, it at least halves the responsibility. What's cool about having someone else is that you are both slightly performative:

On a hard section that I'd slow for on my own, I need to consider 'do I want to slow James down?' or even 'do I want to appear like someone who slows down here?'

In other parts of your life, this makes up someone to work for, people to see after work, places to visit.

Enjoyment: It's hard to make 6 hours of running per day fun, but we were inventive: We played a memory game where you take turns adding to an infinitely growing shopping list - "I bought a sombrero, a lime, a poncho, a samurai sword...etc" - and that turned a tough hour into a highlight.

Ultimately, it's Christopher McCandless's conclusion from the 2007 film Into the Wild. He realises "Happiness is only real when shared." If I can shout out 'check out that giraffe!' I'm able to share that experience and enjoy it NOW. Otherwise, I'm reaching for my phone in the hope of enjoying it LATER.

So whether it's coworking, cooking or watching TV, it's always better together.

And whilst I used to think 'well some things like work and exercise have to be unenjoyable.' I'm not sure I believe in that anymore...

Connection: In life, so much of our suffering does not come from the problem itself, but the isolation that we feel with it. On a long road, it's easy to feel small, weak and unsafe.
And in terms of wellbeing - isolation is terrible for us.

So, outside of running - meeting friends is a 'self-care-routine' as important as eating well and exercising. How can we take it more seriously?

So - the question to you would be: how much of your race are you running alone?
How can you change that?

Brielfy consider your average Tuesday from morning to evening.

1. How much of it are you going it alone vs with others?

2. When do you feel best?

3. What can you change?

To make this less of a generic 'email thought piece' - why not take 60 seconds, a deep breath in and close your eyes to actually visualise it?

Hit reply and tell me what you found!

Take care, I'll make a video about the trip soon.

Live by design, not default.

James - humans BEING

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