Hi , how's it going?

Hope you've read last week's email as this is the follow on.

But just to summarise where we're up to with a wonderful meme:

We're talking about emotions. Something men are asked often to talk about a lot more these days...

If I was asked to talk about different shades of pale green, I'd not get very far.

I can't see much difference between them, I can't name or distinguish them, I wouldn't know where to start.

Yet, I'm sure there are many many artists able to go into HUGE depths about the differences in colour.

If you haven't worked it out yet, this is a metaphor for emotional depth.

Last week, I shared why they are important to tune into.

This week, I'm going to lay out how you can start tuning.

But why?

We only get one go round on this planet.

And we're led by our emotions a lot more than we think.

If we're not in tune, or unconsciously ruled by them, we lose every battle from the off.

Otherwise, you'll spend 20 more years working 80 hour weeks, declining social activities, holidays, and your life, just so you can save up for a bigger house/ Porsche/ villa in Spain just to go and be miserable in there instead.

You can't experience life if you can't feel it.

And remember: The goal isn't even to feel happier, it's to feel more!

But where do I start?

Great question.

Let's use a new metaphor.

I'm pretty shit hot at making a Butter Chicken.

But I've no idea whether it's the Garam Masala, Cumin, Turmeric or Cayenne Pepper that give it the different parts of it's flavour...

But I imagine if I paid attention to how much turmeric I was adding each time, over the next 20 times, I'd get pretty good at identifying it's taste, right? I'd probably notice it in other meals too.

Similarly, we should break emotions down into some different flow chart directions, similar to how we might describe a curry at a very beginner level.

Is it spicy?

Is it creamy?

Is it rich?

Etc.

And as we continue through our emotions, we start to move from basic emotions to needing a thesaurus...

Here's how you'd become an emotional connoisseur through awareness.

Find a feeling and start by paying attention to your:

1. Arousal: The energy that you're feeling.

Are you hot or cold?

Where is hot, where is cold?

How hot, how long for, is it stable?

2. Valence: The pleasantness of that feeling.

Is this an enjoyable feeling?

What specifically is pleasant?

Where is that feeling, what's it shape or size?

3. Focus: If your attention is internal/external.

What are you focussing on?

Where is that focus?

Do this enough times and you can start to really learn about yourself, your actions, and how they make you feel.

E.g. My key emotion right now is calm contentment.

I'm writing this next to a large fire in an AirBnB.

My energy is pretty mellow, right in the middle. I'm content and comfortable.

I feel pleasant - especially the skin on my face and back which are warm.

This focus is mainly external - from the heat. Although I'm also noticing an internal calm and stillness that the fire provides.

You can continue from awareness if you want extra details:

Awareness - Quantifying

• What is this emotion on a scale of 1-10?

(ie. Fire could be a little warmer - 6/10)

• How strongly is this emotion showing up compared to other times I've felt it?

(ie. I've felt this much more in a hot tub...)

Awareness - Quantifying - Expressing

• How would I change the quantity of this emotion?

(ie. Move chair closer to fire)

• If this emotion had a voice, what would it be saying?

(ie. "Things are good now, enjoy them!")

This example might sound basic.

But many emotions and feelings are not.

Think back to something more extreme and you'll likely find it tougher to distinguish.

So.

This week's habit: Identify at least one emotion, each day.

Up to you when you choose to do it.

But sit down, maybe on the end of your bed each evening.

And start to ask yourself questions like this to find out what emotional soup you're swimming in:

"What was I feeling today?"

"What were my main emotions?"

"Which ones did I not understand"

And soon you'll be able to see your life in full colour.

You'll start to get an idea of how you feel.

This will tell you what you want, what you like, what to avoid.

Therapy, introspection and good-listening friends can help speed this process up.

But the habit starts and ends with you.

Good luck.

Live your life.

James - humans BEING

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