#130 – Are You Resisting or Assisting Life?

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We received some difficult news in our family tragedy, and I was crushed.

After the initial shock, I sat there, arms crossed, looking at my legs under the glass tabletop. I noticed I might have appeared angry to someone watching me – my husband, for example, who was cleaning up in the kitchen.

Was I angry? Remembering what I've been writing lately about curiosity and presence, I asked myself, "what is this?" And followed up with, "and what do I want to do with it?"

What came to mind was the image of myself sitting at the table, arms crossed, eyes cast down, legs spread, being erased outward from the pit of my stomach, as though I were a sketch that someone was erasing. The words, "How to disappear completely" (the title of this Radiohead song) showed up and I knew that no, that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be present. Present with myself, my son, my husband. With my life, since this is the only one I have.

But how could I reach the point where I wouldn't want to be erased from this excruciatingly painful and scary moment?

I knew there was an edge I needed to cross, and in my mind I saw my right foot taking a long stride toward the other side. Of what?

Of resistance.

I realized that resisting this moment is futile, because it's already happened, and whatever's going to happen is going to happen anyway. And that trying to control an outcome is a waste of energy and a block to joy, because control is impossible and wanting it can only lead to frustration.

It then became clear: I need to cross the edge from control to focus. To leave my controller part behind and step into the empowered part that focuses on what matters – not on having things her way!

So, instead of insisting on resisting this moment, how can I be of service to it and to the people involved? How can I assist life in this moment, to make the most out of it?

And you, what do you want to stop resisting so that you assist your life?

Love,

Carolina