#312 – What do you expect from the world?

As a coach, I used to ask clients how they wanted to feel. Knowing that one can't change the world, I'd help them change how they felt about it.

Often, clients responded with, I want to feel supported, loved, seen/heard, taken care of, treated how I need to be treated, respected, etc.

But what are we saying when we say "supported," "loved," or "respected?"

That for us to be okay, we need someone who is not us to behave in the way we want them to.

Is that reasonable? No.

Because people behave in accordance with their own history, psychology, personality... Even when their behavior impacts us, it has nothing to do with us. So, expecting them to change it is futile at best, and cruel at worst.

And yet, we suffer over how we perceive others "treat" us.

The Ego, in its ignorant arrogance, insists that we deserve respect (as it defines it). And when, according to its arbitrary standards, we're not getting it, it does one of two things:

1. It puffs up inside us, uttering an indignant "What?!," so that we machinate "attack thoughts" against others, or
2. It shrinks down, sending a Ghost in its stead (of Misplaced Shame, of Isolation, or of Physical Ailments), to make us feel sorry for ourselves.

What if, instead, we didn't expect anything from the world?

What if, instead of feeling "neglected" and "dejected" because no one in my son's case seems to care about us, I did the work to give us the care we need?

What if, instead of coming up with elaborate plans to "get back" at those I feel are the real culprits, I mustered all the compassion, forgiveness, and love I could towards all involved, my family, and myself?

As Rumi put it,

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

What feelings will you stop expecting from outside?

Love,

Carolina