#300 – What makes you give up your inner peace?

Whenever we allow external circumstances to bother us, we're making a choice. But we do it because we feel we don't have a choice––how could I be happy when my son's in jail?

Yesterday, we were again in court. The attorney, prosecutors, and Judge went into chambers to discuss the evidence and hear the defense's arguments.

Out in the courtroom, my stomach was in knots, my elbows tight against my ribcage. I felt fear: what if the Judge denies release conditions?

The clerks, other prosecutors, and a few public defenders were still in the room, discussing other cases with a Friday vibe. There was a cheery atmosphere––but not for us.

I tried to remain positive until the Judge returned, but I couldn't––they wouldn't stop talking! I sensed irritation and a ping of "attack" thoughts towards the happy crowd.

Then I realized it: I was letting the external circumstance to determine my inner state.

Not only was I allowing the uncertainty about my son's future to take away my inner peace. It was also that someone else was discussing it behind closed doors, and that others could be happy in such a critical moment.

Would I give up my inner peace for this? No. As difficult as it was, I chose peace.

When we later gave our son the news that he wouldn't be released yet and asked him how he felt, he said, "I'm okay. I'm not going to allow someone who doesn't know me to take away my happiness just because he thinks I'm a threat to society."

What would you give up your inner peace for?

Love,

Carolina